Digital Photobook of Owen's First Year

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Time to vote again!!

I know, I know. You're pissed that there's another election happening right now. PLEASE don't let those feelings of frustration stop you from getting to your polling stations tomorrow. It's so important. (If you're interested in my opinion, I don't believe a government that was held in contempt of parliament - the first time in our country's history - should get another kick at the can. But, hey, whatever you're thoughts are, let them be known.) Our country's future could be vastly different if every eligible voter got off their butts and had their say. The majority of Canadians do NOT approve of Stephen Harper's Tory government. Yet, for some unknown reason, Tories are the ones who vote most passionately and therefore end up having things go their way. If social voters made sure to participate in this election (especially if strategic voting is applied in key ridings), we could surely overthrow this conservative government - and by a lot! We live in a country where most of us believe in taking care of one another. We believe in the necessity of social programs, as well as the need to balance the budget. We believe in maintaining - or more, strengthening - our Canadian identity. We believe in inclusion and equality, whether it be gender, racial or marital. We believe in protecting the environment, and we know that it is crucial for Canada to truly join the global efforts to slow climate change. We believe Canada can be better.

I'll be voting tomorrow, and I've got my fingers and toes crossed that you will do the same.

Happy voting, Canada.

Ordinary Life

Ordinary Life

Whether it's a Monday
or a Tuesday,
it's either you up first 
or me day.

Morning cuddles and
brushing teeth,
scrambling to get us all
something to eat.

Then you're out the door,
aiming for eight,
(but more often than not,
we're all running late.)

And so it begins,
our daily routine.
An Ordinary Life
that stars you and me.

My days often go by
rather the same:
playgrounds, errands,
and over again.

Wiping small noses,
and later big tears,
mixed in with the calming
of tantrums and fears.

It's an Ordinary Life
and it suits me just right.

Performing traditional
family roles,
we work hard to run
this modern household.

'Cuz while I do the playdates,
laundry and meals,
I count my lucky stars
that they're not office ordeals.

And I struggle, of course,
sometimes may cry
on those tough days when
time just won't pass by.

But I can't help knowing,
at the end of the day,
that we've done things 
the very best "us" way.

Because when you come home
each and every night,
and you kiss us all,
holding on tight...

I know we're the ones
who got it right.
My heart loves you and our
Ordinary Life.

New Year, New Me?

I was going to start this off by marveling that I haven't posted anything here since October 1st, but I'm not actually shocked about that. It definitely feels like I've been away a long time....
We moved into our new condo in October and with all the renovations, and decorating projects in the past 3 months (plus family commitments and holiday stuff, new personal interests and goals, and throw in a dash plain ol' laziness and disinterest) I haven't felt the pull to sit down to write.

But the New Year always seems to spark a little motivation in people right? I suppose I'm no different. While catching up on some Google Reader articles tonight I realized that I need to write out the things I want to accomplish this year - things that have been weighing me down that past while. My goals tend to accumulate and taunt me for a long time before I eventually find the drive to start in on them. Then when I finally do get started I go hard at them for a while, but they almost always end up fizzling out. I am nothing if not a fickle hobbyist. I've abandoned many things: french classes, an online history course, scrap booking, knitting, fitness plans (over and over again, bah), book clubs... the list goes on and on.

I realize, however, that this flightiness is getting in my way of being who I truly want to be. I want to identify more truthfully as a reader, a writer, an artist, a helper, a student and a healthy, happy person. So here is my list of resolutions, the goals I have to make 2010 the year when I really cultivate the interesting, passionate, accomplished woman who lives somewhere inside of me:

1/ I want to be more engaged in current events and world issues. I'm cutting waaaaay back on the nonsense celebrity gossip blogs and changing my focus to news sites and blogs with more inspiring, educational content. My intelligence and power have been zapped by the useless vortex of perezhilton.com and its ilk for long enough and it's time to use my brain for more worthwhile things!

2/ I want to master veganism and stop doing it so half-assed. The vegetarian stuff is easy schmeezy, but giving up cheese and other milk products - and especially having the conviction to reject food prepared with these ingredients for me by others - has been my weak point. I'm the queen of rationalization. Everyday is filled with "special occasion" moments that I justify indulging for, especially this time of year (well I guess, technically "this" time of year is over now, but I still have leftover cookies in tins on my counter, so what am I supposed to do??!!!). I want to go through my 6 new cookbooks and really build my repertoire of vegan recipes. I also need to make sure that I get a reliable B12 supplement, because I surely do not consume enough of it through diet alone. Also iodine sources...

3/ I will read more. This ties in with #1 pretty directly, since I'll have so much more free time now that I'm limiting all the smut. I've been slowly working my way through Outlander for 3+ months now and that's ridiculous. I will set a 3 week limit for myself to start and finish a book. Instead of surfing online in my free moments throughout the day I will now use that time to read a few pages. I'll read before bed, and during Owen's nap. This is an easy goal and I know I won't have much trouble here. I've just gotten a little sidetracked these past few months and I need to get back into reading to kill time. I get so much out of it, and (almost) nothing out of killing time reading gossip blogs.

4/ I will finally lose these last 15 or so lbs that I've been carrying around. I'm sick to shit of them and I want them GONE. The first step of reintroducing myself to a gym got underway just before Christmas, and I will stick with my commitment to working out 3-4 days a week. I will workout HARD and get to where I want to be by the spring. Enough is enough.

5/ I want to write more. The other day I read an article about a woman who wakes up at 6am everyday, makes herself a cup of coffee and spends an hour doing stream of consciousness writing back in bed before her son gets up. Through this writing she comes up with poetry, insights to personal struggles, and solutions to daily grind stuff, and finds the process really satisfying. I highly doubt that I'll EVER become a morning writer (I loathe my day of the week to wake up with Owen while Luke gets to sleep in. Even if he only gets 30 more minutes than I get I take it as a personal affront and end up resenting him... that's my twisted sense of entitlement for you.). I'll have to carve out some time elsewhere in my newly repurposed day!

6/ I want to get back into my sketching, and venture out further into other mediums of art. I'd like to trying painting, which scares the CRAP out of me, but I think there's something in me that might be really good at it. Kind of like how I discovered that I could draw. I'd never drawn really, my strengths and interest were always more in music and writing growing up, but a couple of years ago I picked up a pencil out of boredom at a temp placement job and shock of shocks! I found out I can draw pretty darned well. With some practice and tips from my artist father, I found myself turning out images that I was/am really proud of and I quite surprised my family and friends. I want to surprise them and myself again by seeing what else I might be capable of.

I know I have more to do, more goals to add to the list. I'm just tapped out for now. It's getting late and I feel sleepy (also, tomorrow's my day to get up with the kid, so I'm already mentally preparing for that, woe is me). That'll have to do for tonight. Reading back over it, it doesn't seem like too much. I know that I'm ready for a change in priorities in my "me" life, and I'll only achieve this shift by committing, and in some instances re-committing to this good stuff.

So, cheers to a New Year! I hope your resolutions for 2010 have you as excited about the year to come as mine have me. :)

Feeling B.L.A.H

Good day. Well, I hope it is for you, anyway.

I feel like crap-ola today. I've been fighting a cold for a few days now and the sucky weather concurrently plighting Toronto makes it so much harder to climb out of my funk. If it were a nice day out I'd probably manage to find the will to get off my ass and out into the sunshine. That would certainly perk me up, and make my kid way less bored too. I.just.can't.find.the.energy. We've already watched Finding Nemo, assembled a wicked-ass train track, read books, coloured, administered 2 time-outs, cooked (ugh, who am I trying to fool... nuked) and ate lunch, and I watched some vlogs from this chick I follow online.

Now the kid is sleeping and I am so bored. I planned to make chicken soup today, but I just don't think it's gonna happen. All I want to do is curl up in bed and read Outlander, watch back episodes of my favourite shows, have a bubble bath and feel better. It's so brutal being sick (ish - I'm not SICK sick) and lazy when you have a kid depending on you to entertain and actively parent him. I want to feel sorry for myself and indulge in completely selfish activities of my own choosing, not hang out at the community centre or neighbourhood park, which only ever consists of chasing him around the field and yelling "This way, sweetie!! No no, not into that massive puddle!! Don't throw rocks!! Can you please come with Mama?!?? No, no, that's not your ball, baby, we need to give that back...". It takes a lot of effort to tackle that kind of afternoon, and I just don't have it in me today.

I should have tried to nap, but I was hesitant to because yesterday when I did my kid woke up 5 minutes after I drifted off. I got startled awake by his squawking, and remained in a disoriented fog for a good 20 minutes after that. I was so scared the same thing would happen again today, but of course, as Mr. Murphy would have told me, today the blessed child has been sleeping for nicely over an hour now. I would have had a kick-ass nap!! UGH!

So, such is my life this week. Just a never-ending string of bad luck, bad timing, bad moods, and a completely bad attitude!
Oh, I just realized I'm out of diapers and milk. I guess I now have plans for the afternoon. Envious? I thought so.

Ta ta!

I hate my landlord

Since moving into our apartment two and a half years ago, we have tried to avoid conflict with our landlord and our completely obnoxious neighbours. They fight, they sue eachother, they've each tried to recruit us to join their mission of destroying the other. It's been madness, and we've refused to get involved. Right from the beginning we agreed to kill our landlord with kindness; we did NOT want to be on his bad side. When our dishwasher broke, we asked him politely if at some point he could please stop by to take a look at it. He came over, tinkered with it for a while, and concluded that I was certainly using dishsoap that was too high-quality for such a modest machine. His solution? I should start using no name powder soap, and ditch my liquid Cascade. My problem was surely that my flamboyant soap created too many suds and overwhelmed the poor dishwasher into leaking water all over the kitchen floor. He refused to call the Maytag maintenance people because it would cost more than the thing was worth in the first place, and left.

I didn't complain. I stood there in stupified silence, but I didn't complain. Eventually, and miraculously, the dishwasher managed to right itself, and I moved on, chalking it up to a one-off bad experience.

A few short months later, my son (who was 4 or 5 months old) started crying in his room after waking from a nap. I went to get him, turned the doorknob, and... nothing. The knob just spun around, not retracting the little piece that latches into the door frame. My husband and I began to worry, and tried brainstorming, calling family for ideas. However, since all the hardware for the knob and hinges for the door are on the inside, and our son was growing more hysterical by the second we had no choice but to break the door down. The latch never actually lined up properly with the door jam (oh lord, am I using the right terminology? I've never pretended to be a carpenter, or hell, a man, so please forgive me and try to follow along), and I guess finally the whole thing just got sick of not fitting. So, when Luke busted the door in it cracked the frame and part of the door in the process.

The next day we called our landlord and explained the situation. We asked that he please come and replace the door so we can latch it again. He grudgingly said he'd be by the next day, but he never showed. Luke called him once more to get him to come by, but he never came, never called, nothing. That was well over a year ago, and we've just left the door ajar since then. In the grand scheme of things, not such a big deal, though, right? Not really worth creating a stink over, we didn't figure. We moved on...

So, little things like this have continued to happen during our time living here. We'll request some maintenance, he says he'll do it, and doesn't. Or, if he does grant us some help he complains about how much of a money-sucker owning this building is and how much our neighbour (Lala is her name and she's as crazy as they come, but there's not enough room in the library for her story) is out to ruin him (which she is). We just tune him out and say nothing. He never trims the hedges, he never cleans the garbage/compost bins, and he left a piece of shit 1990 Mercury Linx to rot in our back parking lot taking up precious visitor space. We just made things work on our own, negotiating with our neighbours to squeeze another car in somewhere. He never waters the lawn or shovels the pathways of snow until he's legally summoned to do so (you see, Lala's crazy does come in handy sometimes - she calls the cops a lot), and even after Luke was SUMMONED TO COURT to testify in one of their crazy legal battles, we still did not see it necessary to be rude to him.

This summer we managed to scrape together enough money to buy a condo, and we gave sixty days notice. The landlord said we were his best tenants, and he'd be sad to see us go. "You just never know who you're going to get renting the space, and you guys never gave me any trouble, unlike SOME people", he lamented, gesturing to Lala's apartment window. He was totally right; we never gave him so much as a raised voice after he ignored and neglected our needs (and rights if you want to get technical) as tenants. We were the perfect doormats. I felt kind of satisfied that we managed to get through our time here without earning a bad reputation with him, considering he's such a spiteful, angry person. It really was quite an accomplishment. I just smiled and took his compliment, not mentioning how we were not only excited to be buying a condo, but we were thrilled to be leaving his sure-to-be-imminently-condemned building. I just didn't see the need to stir the pot.

So, a few days after we give our notice, a fire gets lit under our landlord's ass and he decides to get to work on the building. He junks the tire-less pile of rusting metal out back, he trims all the hedges AND the huge maple tree outside our window. He reroutes the eavestrough to actually drain water AWAY from the building, lays new sod, sets up a sprinkler to water the lawn every other day, maintains the garbage alcove, replaces the cracked windows around the front door, paints the exterior window trim of each unit, paints lines to indicate parking spot perimeters.... oh god the list goes on and on. He didn't do an EFFING thing for two and a half years while we've been here, and now he decides that in order to rent out the apartment again he'd better get on with it. I've been livid. I feel so screwed and taken advantage of. He never gives us any notice that he's going to be working on the building, even when he's drilling into the brick wall that is the exterior of my son's bedroom WHILE HE'S NAPPING, or puts his ladder up to our living room and starts painting the trim, WHILE I'M SITTING THERE IN MY UNDERWEAR!!" After three days of drilling during naptime (and during a difficult personal time for our family, I'll add), I had finally had enough, and worked up the courage to confront him.

I marched downstairs and actually gave him a piece of my mind. I was so proud of myself! I told him how frustrated I was at his complete disregard for our living through his improvements, that it was rude to not give me some notice that his work would be inconveniencing us. I told him that his drilling had awakened my son early from his nap two days in a row, and that brick dust had come in through the windows and was now my responsibility to clean up. I rationally explained that if he were to simply give me some notice, I would be able to shift my son's naptime a bit, or close the windows(!), or leave for the afternoon, or GET DRESSED. I appealed to what little sense of common courtesy I hoped he might have, but he didn't seem terribly moved. He apologized that day, but the intrusions have continued. In response I've stopped being nice to him. No wait, I've not even been that bold. I've simply stopped engaging him in pleasant conversation. I walk by him without smiling. I know what you're thinking... slow down with your bad self, Katelyn! How will he be able to take your passive aggression without crumbling in a puddle of tears and regret?

Well, somehow he manages just fine. He has continued to piss me off and I've continued to do nothing (except of course, to berate him in my head, coming up with the perfect rhetoric to render him truly sorry).

So, yesterday I brought my garbage down to the bins outside, ignoring him while he puttered around the yard. As I headed back inside, I heard, "Hey, I need that window put in!" I thought nothing of it, assuming he was commanding his nephew (and spineless minion) around like always. Then, "EXCUSE ME!! I need that window put back in." Shocked to realize that he was addressing me with that tone and not a 3 year old, I turned around. He continued to blather on about how he needs the interior window - that we unscrewed to allow for proper airflow when we moved in TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO!! - to be replaced RIGHT NOW. I explained that I'd get Luke to do that when he got home after work, as I was busy with my son, but that wasn't good enough. He said he'd just come in and do it himself (oh no he wouldn't!). I told him I didn't know where Luke had put the window (a lie, I knew it was in the hall closet) and shrugged casually. He just kept repeating, "well I need it in. I'm doing trim work and I need it put back." I started to wonder if he may have Asperger's; his behaviour was so bizarre and uncivilized, as though he just got let out of a cave and was asked to interact with socialized people. There was no "please", no "would you mind...?", no "sorry to inconvenience you, but... ". It wasn't reasonable. He wanted the window in right then, not a moment later. For what reason, I've still got no idea - he certainly couldn't/wouldn't explain it to me. Maybe he wasn't dealing with our previous confrontation as well as I thought. SCORE ONE FOR KATELYN'S POWERFUL RHETORIC (except that it resulted in this onslaught, so I'll take that point back). So, after being blustered for as long as I could stand, I said, "Fine! I'll go find your precious window right now!!" I stormed off and let the door slam behind me. I huffed and puffed while I re-installed the window, making sure to loudly mutter near the open screen, "Sorry, son, I can't feed you right now, I have to put in this super-important window.""Sorry, son, I can't change that rancid poopy diaper until I finish putting in this totally-necessary-to-outside-trim-work window!""Oh, you want to read a story? Can't do it!! What the landlord wants, the landlord must get RIGHT NOW!! AFTER ALL, HE'S ALWAYS BEEN SO ACCOMMODATING FOR US!!" When I finished I stomped downstairs to take more garbage outside, brushing past him haughtily, daring him to mess with me again (with my eyes, of course, who do you think I am John McEnroe?).

As you can see, I still haven't gotten over it. I hate being bullied, and I especially hate being bullied when I've bent over backwards trying to be understanding and patient with this guy, with the naive hope that it would earn me better treatment than others get from him. I feel like a sucker, and that's probably what's actually making this whole tirade take shape more than his actual ass-hat behaviour... I just hate it when I give someone the benefit of the doubt and they trample all over me. I'm a grade A sucker. Supreme SUCKER when it comes to knowing when enough is enough. It has to change. So maybe some good has come from this after all. Maybe I'll try harder to stand up for myself when something isn't right, even if it makes me unpopular. It'll be hard for me, as I clearly have a pathological need to be liked, but could it really be harder than biting my tongue all the time? I no longer think so. It remains to be seen, though, if I'll truly use this experience as a propeller for growth, or just leave it here as a long-ass bitch-fest.

So, now we just bide our time until we can get the heck out of here. We've taken possession of our new condo this week, and it's all we can do not to just move in this weekend and deal with the renos we've got planned for later. But no. We must do the sensible thing and put flooring in BEFORE moving all the furniture in, no matter how antsy we are to leave our current place. I have half a mind to warn the new tenants of what they're in for - to try and dissuade them from getting their hopes up and being suckers like we've been, but I'm sure I'd just come off as crazy. Afterall, when Lala first knocked on our door intent on getting us to join her in suing the pants off of the landlord for a mold issue in the basement, I thought she was just being dramatic (turns out I was right, but that's besides the point...). These new tenants will just have to learn for themselves, like we did, that our landlord is a complete prick and there is no reasoning with him. And all I can do now is try and move on... again. Fortunately, I think writing this post has helped me on my way.

Not saying I won't still leave the oven and bathtub a filthy mess for him to have to clean after we're gone.... ;)

Say Anything at Harbourfront Centre

The last time I went to the Harbourfront Centre's free summer movie was 8 or 9 years ago. I saw Vertigo with Luke and 2 of his Ryerson buddies, and we had such a great time - I vowed to go back the next week for Rear Window (every season has a theme, that year was, duh, Alfred Hitchcock films). Obviously, I never did make it back the following week, and then I just kind of forgot about it, I guess. Well, when it started up again this year I looked over the schedule and noticed that this season's theme is 80's movies! I could not let another year go by without seeing at least one of the awesome movies on the list, so I made a plan: I would see Desperately Seeking Susan with my visiting cousin, Alaina. I was so excited to take her and have her be amazed by the city's offerings and the beauty of Harbourfront at night. It would be an experience to go home and brag to her family and friends about, and I would be proud to share it with her. Well, wouldn't you know, it rained that night, hard enough to totally scratch that plan. Blah. So disappointing. I'd built it up so much!! We ended up just heading up to Blockbuster and renting My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which is good of course, but not quite the same as catching a classic movie outdoors, surrounded by sailboats in the harbour, city lights, and views of the CN Towe and Skydome (er Rogers Centre - will I ever get used to calling it that?).

With my first attempt a bust, and my available nights in the summer running out fast, Luke and I made a date to see Say Anything last night. I'd never actually seen it and it's soooo good!! We were really pumped, and the weather couldn't have been more perfect. Sunny and warm all day, the evening cooled off nicely for cuddling together under blankets and stars. The benches had been seriously improved (we'd been dreading the serious backaches we endured through Vertigo), and the auditorium was totally full. The whole vibe down there was so cool; laughter filled the band shell, and everyone was happy, really enjoying the night. During the iconic ghetto blaster scene (with Lloyd Dobbler playing "In Your Eyes" for his love, Diane Court, outside her bedroom window) we all cheered and lots of people took pictures of the screen. I totally missed having my camera available to take a few shots myself (not of the screen, because I'm a good girl and such behavior was not actually allowed, but of the evening in general). Instead I'll find a couple of stills from the movie and stick'em in this post!

Next week Labyrinth is playing, which is one of my all-time favourite movies. Unfortunately, we'll have to miss it because of our camping trip. Now, THAT would be a movie to see with an enthusiastic crowd! I can just picture people singing along to "Dance, Magic, Dance" and laughing at David Bowie's manly package in his tights. I suppose I'll just have to have a little fire dance around my campsite to commemorate the evening instead. :)

Anyway, I'm so glad I finally got back down there after so many years away, and I can't recommend it more highly to visitors of Toronto and residents alike. It's truly one of the best summer dates you could have in this wonderful city. I can't wait for next season!