Being Poor

I came across this blog post from Whatever. It was written in September of 2005, and was clearly inspired by the effects of Hurricane Katrina, which hit New Orleans about a week earlier. The article is moving and it brought me to tears, both from empathy and from the shock of being shown just how heartless and judgmental we all can be of those struggling below the poverty line. The author, John Scalzi, does an excellent job of contrasting struggling middle class with true poverty in the US, and I think it would do us all good to read this and remember just how truly fortunate we are in our lives. And don't stop there. I know that during times of economic struggle we are all affected, but when we tighten our belts the people who feel that the most are charities, shelters and food banks. Please continue to give to those less fortunate than you. Make choices to save money in order to give the extra to others. We can all do more, so I urge you to do just that.

I also encourage you to click here to read the comments posted by hundreds of different people after the original blog went up.

Being poor is knowing exactly how much everything costs.

Being poor is getting angry at your kids for asking for all the crap they see on TV.

Being poor is having to keep buying $800 cars because they’re what you can afford, and then having the cars break down on you, because there’s not an $800 car in America that’s worth a damn.

Being poor is hoping the toothache goes away.

Being poor is knowing your kid goes to friends’ houses but never has friends over to yours.

Being poor is going to the restroom before you get in the school lunch line so your friends will be ahead of you and won’t hear you say “I get free lunch” when you get to the cashier.

Being poor is living next to the freeway.

Being poor is coming back to the car with your children in the back seat, clutching that box of Raisin Bran you just bought and trying to think of a way to make the kids understand that the box has to last.

Being poor is wondering if your well-off sibling is lying when he says he doesn’t mind when you ask for help.

Being poor is off-brand toys.

Being poor is a heater in only one room of the house.

Being poor is knowing you can’t leave $5 on the coffee table when your friends are around.

Being poor is hoping your kids don’t have a growth spurt.

Being poor is stealing meat from the store, frying it up before your mom gets home and then telling her she doesn’t have make dinner tonight because you’re not hungry anyway.

Being poor is Goodwill underwear.

Being poor is not enough space for everyone who lives with you.

Being poor is feeling the glued soles tear off your supermarket shoes when you run around the playground.

Being poor is your kid’s school being the one with the 15-year-old textbooks and no air conditioning.

Being poor is thinking $8 an hour is a really good deal.

Being poor is relying on people who don’t give a damn about you.

Being poor is an overnight shift under florescent lights.

Being poor is finding the letter your mom wrote to your dad, begging him for the child support.

Being poor is a bathtub you have to empty into the toilet.

Being poor is stopping the car to take a lamp from a stranger’s trash.

Being poor is making lunch for your kid when a cockroach skitters over the bread, and you looking over to see if your kid saw.

Being poor is believing a GED actually makes a goddamned difference.

Being poor is people angry at you just for walking around in the mall.

Being poor is not taking the job because you can’t find someone you trust to watch your kids.

Being poor is the police busting into the apartment right next to yours.

Being poor is not talking to that girl because she’ll probably just laugh at your clothes.

Being poor is hoping you’ll be invited for dinner.

Being poor is a sidewalk with lots of brown glass on it.

Being poor is people thinking they know something about you by the way you talk.

Being poor is needing that 35-cent raise.

Being poor is your kid’s teacher assuming you don’t have any books in your home.

Being poor is six dollars short on the utility bill and no way to close the gap.

Being poor is crying when you drop the mac and cheese on the floor.

Being poor is knowing you work as hard as anyone, anywhere.

Being poor is people surprised to discover you’re not actually stupid.

Being poor is people surprised to discover you’re not actually lazy.

Being poor is a six-hour wait in an emergency room with a sick child asleep on your lap.

Being poor is never buying anything someone else hasn’t bought first.

Being poor is picking the 10 cent ramen instead of the 12 cent ramen because that’s two extra packages for every dollar.

Being poor is having to live with choices you didn’t know you made when you were 14 years old.

Being poor is getting tired of people wanting you to be grateful.

Being poor is knowing you’re being judged.

Being poor is a box of crayons and a $1 coloring book from a community center Santa.

Being poor is checking the coin return slot of every soda machine you go by.

Being poor is deciding that it’s all right to base a relationship on shelter.

Being poor is knowing you really shouldn’t spend that buck on a Lotto ticket.

Being poor is hoping the register lady will spot you the dime.

Being poor is feeling helpless when your child makes the same mistakes you did, and won’t listen to you beg them against doing so.

Being poor is a cough that doesn’t go away.

Being poor is making sure you don’t spill on the couch, just in case you have to give it back before the lease is up.

Being poor is a $200 paycheck advance from a company that takes $250 when the paycheck comes in.

Being poor is four years of night classes for an Associates of Art degree.

Being poor is a lumpy futon bed.

Being poor is knowing where the shelter is.

Being poor is people who have never been poor wondering why you choose to be so.

Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.

Being poor is seeing how few options you have.

Being poor is running in place.

Being poor is people wondering why you didn’t leave.

whatever.scalzi.com

Girlfriends - old and new

It's been a tough go trying to find new friends since becoming a mom 17 months ago. The girlfriends I've had for a long time are amazing and so necessary in my life, but since none of them have kids yet they often just can't relate to many of the things that are going on for me now. My interests have expanded, as well as my daily routine being completely different than before. I'm a stay-at-home mom, and my days are spent going to drop-in centres, toddler programs, playgrounds, library reading groups, the grocery store, etc., things that they would have no interest in doing with me (hell I wouldn't want to do them if I didn't have a kid!). I've met a few moms here and there, but no strong connections had really been made until kind of recently.

About 5-6 months ago I met another mom at the community centre Owen and I go to. She has two kids, her son being the same age as mine, and we clicked right away during our Enjoying Your Toddler group. As the only two mothers at the group (the rest were nannies or grandmas), we felt relieved initially to have someone else to chat with, but it quickly turned into a real friendship that's been growing steadily ever since. We've been pretty inseparable, signing up for the same programs, hitting up the science centre with the kids, and we recently started a small walking group with another mom. A few months ago we decided to try going out without the kids - kind of a test to see if we we'd still click without the kids or find out that they were really the only reason we got along at all. We realized right away that night that we had nothing to be concerned about, and now we go to movies, out for drinks, or even just watch tv at her place while the kids are sleeping. We joked recently that people were going to start wondering if we were "special friends"... but it just works, you know? Last week we met at another new friend's house and sat out on her back deck until 1:30am, just chatting, enjoying some wine. I left that night looking so forward to the family BBQ we have planned, girls nights out, and continued playdates at splashpads and playgrounds throughout the summer. It feels like it's been a long time coming, and I'm so happy to feel like I really have my own little mom-group now!

With the addition of these new friends I feel like I've got such a well-rounded social thing happening right now. I still have my "old" girlfriends who are there for me, especially when I want to dig deep, or spend a night out on the town (that sounds cheesy... *shrug*), and I have my new "mom" friends who support me and understand this new part of my life. I can be serious or silly with any and all of them, but I know who to go to for what. It's just so great to have them all. I feel really lucky today, so, kisses to all my special (and "special") girls out there. You all hold unique places in my heart and I thank you all for being so wonderful.