It took a bit of time to get used to the idea that my baby would be 3 hours away from me for 3 whole days - I even cried as they pulled away from the house - but now that I'm well into my 2nd day I think I've hit my stride, and I'm really enjoying myself. Yesterday, I did some light housework, prepared some purees for my son that I'd been behind on, goofed off online for while, and spent the evening at a girlfriend's place, where we ordered in Thai food, and indulged in a mini Queer As Folk marathon.
Today I slept in a bit, did a 90 minute workout (which I haven't been able to achieve since my son arrived in January!), walked up to the village to pick up some fresh veggies and a movie for later, and now I'm, obviously, writing a post that's long overdue. This is not a weekend of thrills and adventure, but it is the weekend I've been needing so much. My God, I've missed having such abundant time for myself! No matter how prepared I was to make big changes to my own life for my son's, it has been one heck of a shock to completely alter my pre-baby existence for this new one where everything revolves around someone else.
Sometimes I get frustrated with a few people in my life who insinuate that I need more "me time" than other moms they know. They never come right out and say that I'm over-indulgent or anything, but I hear the judgement anyway when I mention that I'm looking for ways to enhance my personal happiness. I think it baffles them that I need activities and accomplishments in my life that are separate from the joys that motherhood has given me. Whether it's by writing here, or going out of town to visit a girlfriend, or staying a night at a hotel in town just to get away for a bit, I try to find simple ways to reinforce my own identity. In the future I'd like to take a course in political science, or women's studies. I want to write more, I want to be more charitable... the list goes on. However, my desire for "more" does not diminish the fulfillment I get from staying home and raising my son - I love that he is my little partner and that my days are spent caring for him. I just hope that he always thinks of me as being someone who lives a rich, well-rounded life, and as someone who wants the same for him. He is already such an inquisitive little guy and I want to support his curiosity and independence all his life. Hopefully, I can do that partly by leading by example. In the meantime, I'll try to work on not caring so much about whether or not my goals differ from those of other moms, but rather focussing on what works for me and my family. And what works right now is having an amazing relaxing weekend OFF!
Now that that's off my chest (hee)... the rest of the weekend should include a nap, some reading (I've vowed to finish the David Suzuki Autobiography), and watching Penelope. Tomorrow is a cleaning/organizing day, getting ready for my cousin who's coming to stay with us for a few days. I think I might also try a new aquafit class - hopefully with better results than last time!
Is it awful that I wish I had just one more day to tack on to the end of this weekend? At first I thought I would struggle through it, just missing my boys terribly, but it has turned into the world's fastest weekend and I'm already starting to dread that it will soon be over. *sigh* Mother's guilt is in full swing. lol :)
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