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Digital Photobook of Owen's First Year

2011-09-26T18:55:00.000-07:00

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Time to vote again!!

2011-05-01T17:39:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. You're pissed that there's another election happening right now. PLEASE don't let those feelings of frustration stop you from getting to your polling stations tomorrow. It's so important. (If you're interested in my opinion, I don't believe a government that was held in contempt of parliament - the first time in our country's history - should get another kick at the can. But, hey, whatever you're thoughts are, let them be known.) Our country's future could be vastly different if every eligible voter got off their butts and had their say. The majority of Canadians do NOT approve of Stephen Harper's Tory government. Yet, for some unknown reason, Tories are the ones who vote most passionately and therefore end up having things go their way. If social voters made sure to participate in this election (especially if strategic voting is applied in key ridings), we could surely overthrow this conservative government - and by a lot! We live in a country where most of us believe in taking care of one another. We believe in the necessity of social programs, as well as the need to balance the budget. We believe in maintaining - or more, strengthening - our Canadian identity. We believe in inclusion and equality, whether it be gender, racial or marital. We believe in protecting the environment, and we know that it is crucial for Canada to truly join the global efforts to slow climate change. We believe Canada can be better.

I'll be voting tomorrow, and I've got my fingers and toes crossed that you will do the same.

Happy voting, Canada.

Ordinary Life

2010-06-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

Ordinary Life

Whether it's a Monday
or a Tuesday,
it's either you up first
or me day.

Morning cuddles and
brushing teeth,
scrambling to get us all
something to eat.

Then you're out the door,
aiming for eight,
(but more often than not,
we're all running late.)

And so it begins,
our daily routine.
An Ordinary Life
that stars you and me.

My days often go by
rather the same:
playgrounds, errands,
and over again.

Wiping small noses,
and later big tears,
mixed in with the calming
of tantrums and fears.

It's an Ordinary Life
and it suits me just right.

Performing traditional
family roles,
we work hard to run
this modern household.

'Cuz while I do the playdates,
laundry and meals,
I count my lucky stars
that they're not office ordeals.

And I struggle, of course,
sometimes may cry
on those tough days when
time just won't pass by.

But I can't help knowing,
at the end of the day,
that we've done things
the very best "us" way.

Because when you come home
each and every night,
and you kiss us all,
holding on tight...

I know we're the ones
who got it right.
My heart loves you and our
Ordinary Life.

New Year, New Me?

2010-01-09T18:16:00.000-08:00

I was going to start this off by marveling that I haven't posted anything here since October 1st, but I'm not actually shocked about that. It definitely feels like I've been away a long time....
We moved into our new condo in October and with all the renovations, and decorating projects in the past 3 months (plus family commitments and holiday stuff, new personal interests and goals, and throw in a dash plain ol' laziness and disinterest) I haven't felt the pull to sit down to write.

But the New Year always seems to spark a little motivation in people right? I suppose I'm no different. While catching up on some Google Reader articles tonight I realized that I need to write out the things I want to accomplish this year - things that have been weighing me down that past while. My goals tend to accumulate and taunt me for a long time before I eventually find the drive to start in on them. Then when I finally do get started I go hard at them for a while, but they almost always end up fizzling out. I am nothing if not a fickle hobbyist. I've abandoned many things: french classes, an online history course, scrap booking, knitting, fitness plans (over and over again, bah), book clubs... the list goes on and on.

I realize, however, that this flightiness is getting in my way of being who I truly want to be. I want to identify more truthfully as a reader, a writer, an artist, a helper, a student and a healthy, happy person. So here is my list of resolutions, the goals I have to make 2010 the year when I really cultivate the interesting, passionate, accomplished woman who lives somewhere inside of me:

1/ I want to be more engaged in current events and world issues. I'm cutting waaaaay back on the nonsense celebrity gossip blogs and changing my focus to news sites and blogs with more inspiring, educational content. My intelligence and power have been zapped by the useless vortex of perezhilton.com and its ilk for long enough and it's time to use my brain for more worthwhile things!

2/ I want to master veganism and stop doing it so half-assed. The vegetarian stuff is easy schmeezy, but giving up cheese and other milk products - and especially having the conviction to reject food prepared with these ingredients for me by others - has been my weak point. I'm the queen of rationalization. Everyday is filled with "special occasion" moments that I justify indulging for, especially this time of year (well I guess, technically "this" time of year is over now, but I still have leftover cookies in tins on my counter, so what am I supposed to do??!!!). I want to go through my 6 new cookbooks and really build my repertoire of vegan recipes. I also need to make sure that I get a reliable B12 supplement, because I surely do not consume enough of it through diet alone. Also iodine sources...

3/ I will read more. This ties in with #1 pretty directly, since I'll have so much more free time now that I'm limiting all the smut. I've been slowly working my way through Outlander for 3+ months now and that's ridiculous. I will set a 3 week limit for myself to start and finish a book. Instead of surfing online in my free moments throughout the day I will now use that time to read a few pages. I'll read before bed, and during Owen's nap. This is an easy goal and I know I won't have much trouble here. I've just gotten a little sidetracked these past few months and I need to get back into reading to kill time. I get so much out of it, and (almost) nothing out of killing time reading gossip blogs.

4/ I will finally lose these last 15 or so lbs that I've been carrying around. I'm sick to shit of them and I want them GONE. The first step of reintroducing myself to a gym got underway just before Christmas, and I will stick with my commitment to working out 3-4 days a week. I will workout HARD and get to where I want to be by the spring. Enough is enough.

5/ I want to write more. The other day I read an article about a woman who wakes up at 6am everyday, makes herself a cup of coffee and spends an hour doing stream of consciousness writing back in bed before her son gets up. Through this writing she comes up with poetry, insights to personal struggles, and solutions to daily grind stuff, and finds the process really satisfying. I highly doubt that I'll EVER become a morning writer (I loathe my day of the week to wake up with Owen while Luke gets to sleep in. Even if he only gets 30 more minutes than I get I take it as a personal affront and end up resenting him... that's my twisted sense of entitlement for you.). I'll have to carve out some time elsewhere in my newly repurposed day!

6/ I want to get back into my sketching, and venture out further into other mediums of art. I'd like to trying painting, which scares the CRAP out of me, but I think there's something in me that might be really good at it. Kind of like how I discovered that I could draw. I'd never drawn really, my strengths and interest were always more in music and writing growing up, but a couple of years ago I picked up a pencil out of boredom at a temp placement job and shock of shocks! I found out I can draw pretty darned well. With some practice and tips from my artist father, I found myself turning out images that I was/am really proud of and I quite surprised my family and friends. I want to surprise them and myself again by seeing what else I might be capable of.

I know I have more to do, more goals to add to the list. I'm just tapped out for now. It's getting late and I feel sleepy (also, tomorrow's my day to get up with the kid, so I'm already mentally preparing for that, woe is me). That'll have to do for tonight. Reading back over it, it doesn't seem like too much. I know that I'm ready for a change in priorities in my "me" life, and I'll only achieve this shift by committing, and in some instances re-committing to this good stuff.

So, cheers to a New Year! I hope your resolutions for 2010 have you as excited about the year to come as mine have me. :)

Feeling B.L.A.H

2009-10-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

Good day. Well, I hope it is for you, anyway.

I feel like crap-ola today. I've been fighting a cold for a few days now and the sucky weather concurrently plighting Toronto makes it so much harder to climb out of my funk. If it were a nice day out I'd probably manage to find the will to get off my ass and out into the sunshine. That would certainly perk me up, and make my kid way less bored too. I.just.can't.find.the.energy. We've already watched Finding Nemo, assembled a wicked-ass train track, read books, coloured, administered 2 time-outs, cooked (ugh, who am I trying to fool... nuked) and ate lunch, and I watched some vlogs from this chick I follow online.

Now the kid is sleeping and I am so bored. I planned to make chicken soup today, but I just don't think it's gonna happen. All I want to do is curl up in bed and read Outlander, watch back episodes of my favourite shows, have a bubble bath and feel better. It's so brutal being sick (ish - I'm not SICK sick) and lazy when you have a kid depending on you to entertain and actively parent him. I want to feel sorry for myself and indulge in completely selfish activities of my own choosing, not hang out at the community centre or neighbourhood park, which only ever consists of chasing him around the field and yelling "This way, sweetie!! No no, not into that massive puddle!! Don't throw rocks!! Can you please come with Mama?!?? No, no, that's not your ball, baby, we need to give that back...". It takes a lot of effort to tackle that kind of afternoon, and I just don't have it in me today.

I should have tried to nap, but I was hesitant to because yesterday when I did my kid woke up 5 minutes after I drifted off. I got startled awake by his squawking, and remained in a disoriented fog for a good 20 minutes after that. I was so scared the same thing would happen again today, but of course, as Mr. Murphy would have told me, today the blessed child has been sleeping for nicely over an hour now. I would have had a kick-ass nap!! UGH!

So, such is my life this week. Just a never-ending string of bad luck, bad timing, bad moods, and a completely bad attitude!
Oh, I just realized I'm out of diapers and milk. I guess I now have plans for the afternoon. Envious? I thought so.

Ta ta!

I hate my landlord

2009-09-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Since moving into our apartment two and a half years ago, we have tried to avoid conflict with our landlord and our completely obnoxious neighbours. They fight, they sue eachother, they've each tried to recruit us to join their mission of destroying the other. It's been madness, and we've refused to get involved. Right from the beginning we agreed to kill our landlord with kindness; we did NOT want to be on his bad side. When our dishwasher broke, we asked him politely if at some point he could please stop by to take a look at it. He came over, tinkered with it for a while, and concluded that I was certainly using dishsoap that was too high-quality for such a modest machine. His solution? I should start using no name powder soap, and ditch my liquid Cascade. My problem was surely that my flamboyant soap created too many suds and overwhelmed the poor dishwasher into leaking water all over the kitchen floor. He refused to call the Maytag maintenance people because it would cost more than the thing was worth in the first place, and left.

I didn't complain. I stood there in stupified silence, but I didn't complain. Eventually, and miraculously, the dishwasher managed to right itself, and I moved on, chalking it up to a one-off bad experience.

A few short months later, my son (who was 4 or 5 months old) started crying in his room after waking from a nap. I went to get him, turned the doorknob, and... nothing. The knob just spun around, not retracting the little piece that latches into the door frame. My husband and I began to worry, and tried brainstorming, calling family for ideas. However, since all the hardware for the knob and hinges for the door are on the inside, and our son was growing more hysterical by the second we had no choice but to break the door down. The latch never actually lined up properly with the door jam (oh lord, am I using the right terminology? I've never pretended to be a carpenter, or hell, a man, so please forgive me and try to follow along), and I guess finally the whole thing just got sick of not fitting. So, when Luke busted the door in it cracked the frame and part of the door in the process.

The next day we called our landlord and explained the situation. We asked that he please come and replace the door so we can latch it again. He grudgingly said he'd be by the next day, but he never showed. Luke called him once more to get him to come by, but he never came, never called, nothing. That was well over a year ago, and we've just left the door ajar since then. In the grand scheme of things, not such a big deal, though, right? Not really worth creating a stink over, we didn't figure. We moved on...

So, little things like this have continued to happen during our time living here. We'll request some maintenance, he says he'll do it, and doesn't. Or, if he does grant us some help he complains about how much of a money-sucker owning this building is and how much our neighbour (Lala is her name and she's as crazy as they come, but there's not enough room in the library for her story) is out to ruin him (which she is). We just tune him out and say nothing. He never trims the hedges, he never cleans the garbage/compost bins, and he left a piece of shit 1990 Mercury Linx to rot in our back parking lot taking up precious visitor space. We just made things work on our own, negotiating with our neighbours to squeeze another car in somewhere. He never waters the lawn or shovels the pathways of snow until he's legally summoned to do so (you see, Lala's crazy does come in handy sometimes - she calls the cops a lot), and even after Luke was SUMMONED TO COURT to testify in one of their crazy legal battles, we still did not see it necessary to be rude to him.

This summer we managed to scrape together enough money to buy a condo, and we gave sixty days notice. The landlord said we were his best tenants, and he'd be sad to see us go. "You just never know who you're going to get renting the space, and you guys never gave me any trouble, unlike SOME people", he lamented, gesturing to Lala's apartment window. He was totally right; we never gave him so much as a raised voice after he ignored and neglected our needs (and rights if you want to get technical) as tenants. We were the perfect doormats. I felt kind of satisfied that we managed to get through our time here without earning a bad reputation with him, considering he's such a spiteful, angry person. It really was quite an accomplishment. I just smiled and took his compliment, not mentioning how we were not only excited to be buying a condo, but we were thrilled to be leaving his sure-to-be-imminently-condemned building. I just didn't see the need to stir the pot.

So, a few days after we give our notice, a fire gets lit under our landlord's ass and he decides to get to work on the building. He junks the tire-less pile of rusting metal out back, he trims all the hedges AND the huge maple tree outside our window. He reroutes the eavestrough to actually drain water AWAY from the building, lays new sod, sets up a sprinkler to water the lawn every other day, maintains the garbage alcove, replaces the cracked windows around the front door, paints the exterior window trim of each unit, paints lines to indicate parking spot perimeters.... oh god the list goes on and on. He didn't do an EFFING thing for two and a half years while we've been here, and now he decides that in order to rent out the apartment again he'd better get on with it. I've been livid. I feel so screwed and taken advantage of. He never gives us any notice that he's going to be working on the building, even when he's drilling into the brick wall that is the exterior of my son's bedroom WHILE HE'S NAPPING, or puts his ladder up to our living room and starts painting the trim, WHILE I'M SITTING THERE IN MY UNDERWEAR!!" After three days of drilling during naptime (and during a difficult personal time for our family, I'll add), I had finally had enough, and worked up the courage to confront him.

I marched downstairs and actually gave him a piece of my mind. I was so proud of myself! I told him how frustrated I was at his complete disregard for our living through his improvements, that it was rude to not give me some notice that his work would be inconveniencing us. I told him that his drilling had awakened my son early from his nap two days in a row, and that brick dust had come in through the windows and was now my responsibility to clean up. I rationally explained that if he were to simply give me some notice, I would be able to shift my son's naptime a bit, or close the windows(!), or leave for the afternoon, or GET DRESSED. I appealed to what little sense of common courtesy I hoped he might have, but he didn't seem terribly moved. He apologized that day, but the intrusions have continued. In response I've stopped being nice to him. No wait, I've not even been that bold. I've simply stopped engaging him in pleasant conversation. I walk by him without smiling. I know what you're thinking... slow down with your bad self, Katelyn! How will he be able to take your passive aggression without crumbling in a puddle of tears and regret?

Well, somehow he manages just fine. He has continued to piss me off and I've continued to do nothing (except of course, to berate him in my head, coming up with the perfect rhetoric to render him truly sorry).

So, yesterday I brought my garbage down to the bins outside, ignoring him while he puttered around the yard. As I headed back inside, I heard, "Hey, I need that window put in!" I thought nothing of it, assuming he was commanding his nephew (and spineless minion) around like always. Then, "EXCUSE ME!! I need that window put back in." Shocked to realize that he was addressing me with that tone and not a 3 year old, I turned around. He continued to blather on about how he needs the interior window - that we unscrewed to allow for proper airflow when we moved in TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO!! - to be replaced RIGHT NOW. I explained that I'd get Luke to do that when he got home after work, as I was busy with my son, but that wasn't good enough. He said he'd just come in and do it himself (oh no he wouldn't!). I told him I didn't know where Luke had put the window (a lie, I knew it was in the hall closet) and shrugged casually. He just kept repeating, "well I need it in. I'm doing trim work and I need it put back." I started to wonder if he may have Asperger's; his behaviour was so bizarre and uncivilized, as though he just got let out of a cave and was asked to interact with socialized people. There was no "please", no "would you mind...?", no "sorry to inconvenience you, but... ". It wasn't reasonable. He wanted the window in right then, not a moment later. For what reason, I've still got no idea - he certainly couldn't/wouldn't explain it to me. Maybe he wasn't dealing with our previous confrontation as well as I thought. SCORE ONE FOR KATELYN'S POWERFUL RHETORIC (except that it resulted in this onslaught, so I'll take that point back). So, after being blustered for as long as I could stand, I said, "Fine! I'll go find your precious window right now!!" I stormed off and let the door slam behind me. I huffed and puffed while I re-installed the window, making sure to loudly mutter near the open screen, "Sorry, son, I can't feed you right now, I have to put in this super-important window.""Sorry, son, I can't change that rancid poopy diaper until I finish putting in this totally-necessary-to-outside-trim-work window!""Oh, you want to read a story? Can't do it!! What the landlord wants, the landlord must get RIGHT NOW!! AFTER ALL, HE'S ALWAYS BEEN SO ACCOMMODATING FOR US!!" When I finished I stomped downstairs to take more garbage outside, brushing past him haughtily, daring him to mess with me again (with my eyes, of course, who do you think I am John McEnroe?).

As you can see, I still haven't gotten over it. I hate being bullied, and I especially hate being bullied when I've bent over backwards trying to be understanding and patient with this guy, with the naive hope that it would earn me better treatment than others get from him. I feel like a sucker, and that's probably what's actually making this whole tirade take shape more than his actual ass-hat behaviour... I just hate it when I give someone the benefit of the doubt and they trample all over me. I'm a grade A sucker. Supreme SUCKER when it comes to knowing when enough is enough. It has to change. So maybe some good has come from this after all. Maybe I'll try harder to stand up for myself when something isn't right, even if it makes me unpopular. It'll be hard for me, as I clearly have a pathological need to be liked, but could it really be harder than biting my tongue all the time? I no longer think so. It remains to be seen, though, if I'll truly use this experience as a propeller for growth, or just leave it here as a long-ass bitch-fest.

So, now we just bide our time until we can get the heck out of here. We've taken possession of our new condo this week, and it's all we can do not to just move in this weekend and deal with the renos we've got planned for later. But no. We must do the sensible thing and put flooring in BEFORE moving all the furniture in, no matter how antsy we are to leave our current place. I have half a mind to warn the new tenants of what they're in for - to try and dissuade them from getting their hopes up and being suckers like we've been, but I'm sure I'd just come off as crazy. Afterall, when Lala first knocked on our door intent on getting us to join her in suing the pants off of the landlord for a mold issue in the basement, I thought she was just being dramatic (turns out I was right, but that's besides the point...). These new tenants will just have to learn for themselves, like we did, that our landlord is a complete prick and there is no reasoning with him. And all I can do now is try and move on... again. Fortunately, I think writing this post has helped me on my way.

Not saying I won't still leave the oven and bathtub a filthy mess for him to have to clean after we're gone.... ;)

Say Anything at Harbourfront Centre

2009-08-06T05:47:00.000-07:00

The last time I went to the Harbourfront Centre's free summer movie was 8 or 9 years ago. I saw Vertigo with Luke and 2 of his Ryerson buddies, and we had such a great time - I vowed to go back the next week for Rear Window (every season has a theme, that year was, duh, Alfred Hitchcock films). Obviously, I never did make it back the following week, and then I just kind of forgot about it, I guess. Well, when it started up again this year I looked over the schedule and noticed that this season's theme is 80's movies! I could not let another year go by without seeing at least one of the awesome movies on the list, so I made a plan: I would see Desperately Seeking Susan with my visiting cousin, Alaina. I was so excited to take her and have her be amazed by the city's offerings and the beauty of Harbourfront at night. It would be an experience to go home and brag to her family and friends about, and I would be proud to share it with her. Well, wouldn't you know, it rained that night, hard enough to totally scratch that plan. Blah. So disappointing. I'd built it up so much!! We ended up just heading up to Blockbuster and renting My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which is good of course, but not quite the same as catching a classic movie outdoors, surrounded by sailboats in the harbour, city lights, and views of the CN Towe and Skydome (er Rogers Centre - will I ever get used to calling it that?).

With my first attempt a bust, and my available nights in the summer running out fast, Luke and I made a date to see Say Anything last night. I'd never actually seen it and it's soooo good!! We were really pumped, and the weather couldn't have been more perfect. Sunny and warm all day, the evening cooled off nicely for cuddling together under blankets and stars. The benches had been seriously improved (we'd been dreading the serious backaches we endured through Vertigo), and the auditorium was totally full. The whole vibe down there was so cool; laughter filled the band shell, and everyone was happy, really enjoying the night. During the iconic ghetto blaster scene (with Lloyd Dobbler playing "In Your Eyes" for his love, Diane Court, outside her bedroom window) we all cheered and lots of people took pictures of the screen. I totally missed having my camera available to take a few shots myself (not of the screen, because I'm a good girl and such behavior was not actually allowed, but of the evening in general). Instead I'll find a couple of stills from the movie and stick'em in this post!

Next week Labyrinth is playing, which is one of my all-time favourite movies. Unfortunately, we'll have to miss it because of our camping trip. Now, THAT would be a movie to see with an enthusiastic crowd! I can just picture people singing along to "Dance, Magic, Dance" and laughing at David Bowie's manly package in his tights. I suppose I'll just have to have a little fire dance around my campsite to commemorate the evening instead. :)

Anyway, I'm so glad I finally got back down there after so many years away, and I can't recommend it more highly to visitors of Toronto and residents alike. It's truly one of the best summer dates you could have in this wonderful city. I can't wait for next season!

Being Poor

2009-06-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

I came across this blog post from Whatever. It was written in September of 2005, and was clearly inspired by the effects of Hurricane Katrina, which hit New Orleans about a week earlier. The article is moving and it brought me to tears, both from empathy and from the shock of being shown just how heartless and judgmental we all can be of those struggling below the poverty line. The author, John Scalzi, does an excellent job of contrasting struggling middle class with true poverty in the US, and I think it would do us all good to read this and remember just how truly fortunate we are in our lives. And don't stop there. I know that during times of economic struggle we are all affected, but when we tighten our belts the people who feel that the most are charities, shelters and food banks. Please continue to give to those less fortunate than you. Make choices to save money in order to give the extra to others. We can all do more, so I urge you to do just that.

I also encourage you to click here to read the comments posted by hundreds of different people after the original blog went up.

Being poor is knowing exactly how much everything costs.

Being poor is getting angry at your kids for asking for all the crap they see on TV.

Being poor is having to keep buying $800 cars because they’re what you can afford, and then having the cars break down on you, because there’s not an $800 car in America that’s worth a damn.

Being poor is hoping the toothache goes away.

Being poor is knowing your kid goes to friends’ houses but never has friends over to yours.

Being poor is going to the restroom before you get in the school lunch line so your friends will be ahead of you and won’t hear you say “I get free lunch” when you get to the cashier.

Being poor is living next to the freeway.

Being poor is coming back to the car with your children in the back seat, clutching that box of Raisin Bran you just bought and trying to think of a way to make the kids understand that the box has to last.

Being poor is wondering if your well-off sibling is lying when he says he doesn’t mind when you ask for help.

Being poor is off-brand toys.

Being poor is a heater in only one room of the house.

Being poor is knowing you can’t leave $5 on the coffee table when your friends are around.

Being poor is hoping your kids don’t have a growth spurt.

Being poor is stealing meat from the store, frying it up before your mom gets home and then telling her she doesn’t have make dinner tonight because you’re not hungry anyway.

Being poor is Goodwill underwear.

Being poor is not enough space for everyone who lives with you.

Being poor is feeling the glued soles tear off your supermarket shoes when you run around the playground.

Being poor is your kid’s school being the one with the 15-year-old textbooks and no air conditioning.

Being poor is thinking $8 an hour is a really good deal.

Being poor is relying on people who don’t give a damn about you.

Being poor is an overnight shift under florescent lights.

Being poor is finding the letter your mom wrote to your dad, begging him for the child support.

Being poor is a bathtub you have to empty into the toilet.

Being poor is stopping the car to take a lamp from a stranger’s trash.

Being poor is making lunch for your kid when a cockroach skitters over the bread, and you looking over to see if your kid saw.

Being poor is believing a GED actually makes a goddamned difference.

Being poor is people angry at you just for walking around in the mall.

Being poor is not taking the job because you can’t find someone you trust to watch your kids.

Being poor is the police busting into the apartment right next to yours.

Being poor is not talking to that girl because she’ll probably just laugh at your clothes.

Being poor is hoping you’ll be invited for dinner.

Being poor is a sidewalk with lots of brown glass on it.

Being poor is people thinking they know something about you by the way you talk.

Being poor is needing that 35-cent raise.

Being poor is your kid’s teacher assuming you don’t have any books in your home.

Being poor is six dollars short on the utility bill and no way to close the gap.

Being poor is crying when you drop the mac and cheese on the floor.

Being poor is knowing you work as hard as anyone, anywhere.

Being poor is people surprised to discover you’re not actually stupid.

Being poor is people surprised to discover you’re not actually lazy.

Being poor is a six-hour wait in an emergency room with a sick child asleep on your lap.

Being poor is never buying anything someone else hasn’t bought first.

Being poor is picking the 10 cent ramen instead of the 12 cent ramen because that’s two extra packages for every dollar.

Being poor is having to live with choices you didn’t know you made when you were 14 years old.

Being poor is getting tired of people wanting you to be grateful.

Being poor is knowing you’re being judged.

Being poor is a box of crayons and a $1 coloring book from a community center Santa.

Being poor is checking the coin return slot of every soda machine you go by.

Being poor is deciding that it’s all right to base a relationship on shelter.

Being poor is knowing you really shouldn’t spend that buck on a Lotto ticket.

Being poor is hoping the register lady will spot you the dime.

Being poor is feeling helpless when your child makes the same mistakes you did, and won’t listen to you beg them against doing so.

Being poor is a cough that doesn’t go away.

Being poor is making sure you don’t spill on the couch, just in case you have to give it back before the lease is up.

Being poor is a $200 paycheck advance from a company that takes $250 when the paycheck comes in.

Being poor is four years of night classes for an Associates of Art degree.

Being poor is a lumpy futon bed.

Being poor is knowing where the shelter is.

Being poor is people who have never been poor wondering why you choose to be so.

Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.

Being poor is seeing how few options you have.

Being poor is running in place.

Being poor is people wondering why you didn’t leave.

whatever.scalzi.com

Girlfriends - old and new

2009-06-09T10:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a tough go trying to find new friends since becoming a mom 17 months ago. The girlfriends I've had for a long time are amazing and so necessary in my life, but since none of them have kids yet they often just can't relate to many of the things that are going on for me now. My interests have expanded, as well as my daily routine being completely different than before. I'm a stay-at-home mom, and my days are spent going to drop-in centres, toddler programs, playgrounds, library reading groups, the grocery store, etc., things that they would have no interest in doing with me (hell I wouldn't want to do them if I didn't have a kid!). I've met a few moms here and there, but no strong connections had really been made until kind of recently.

About 5-6 months ago I met another mom at the community centre Owen and I go to. She has two kids, her son being the same age as mine, and we clicked right away during our Enjoying Your Toddler group. As the only two mothers at the group (the rest were nannies or grandmas), we felt relieved initially to have someone else to chat with, but it quickly turned into a real friendship that's been growing steadily ever since. We've been pretty inseparable, signing up for the same programs, hitting up the science centre with the kids, and we recently started a small walking group with another mom. A few months ago we decided to try going out without the kids - kind of a test to see if we we'd still click without the kids or find out that they were really the only reason we got along at all. We realized right away that night that we had nothing to be concerned about, and now we go to movies, out for drinks, or even just watch tv at her place while the kids are sleeping. We joked recently that people were going to start wondering if we were "special friends"... but it just works, you know? Last week we met at another new friend's house and sat out on her back deck until 1:30am, just chatting, enjoying some wine. I left that night looking so forward to the family BBQ we have planned, girls nights out, and continued playdates at splashpads and playgrounds throughout the summer. It feels like it's been a long time coming, and I'm so happy to feel like I really have my own little mom-group now!

With the addition of these new friends I feel like I've got such a well-rounded social thing happening right now. I still have my "old" girlfriends who are there for me, especially when I want to dig deep, or spend a night out on the town (that sounds cheesy... *shrug*), and I have my new "mom" friends who support me and understand this new part of my life. I can be serious or silly with any and all of them, but I know who to go to for what. It's just so great to have them all. I feel really lucky today, so, kisses to all my special (and "special") girls out there. You all hold unique places in my heart and I thank you all for being so wonderful.

What happens in Vegas... I share with you!

2009-05-23T17:50:00.001-07:00

After years of dreaming about doing such a thing, and months of planning and waiting for it to be official, last week I finally went on a vacation with girlfriends - to Las Vegas!! I've mooned over the idea of taking a girls only trip for ages, with many different girlfriends, fantasizing about road trips, all-inclusive resorts, backpacking treks through Europe, etc. I always had the best intentions of following through, as I'm sure my friends did, but for whatever reason these trips just never panned out. But, I got lucky this time, and a group of 6 girls (2 of us with children!) managed to actually coordinate an out-of-country vacation - together!

Las Vegas is the perfect place to go to with a group of friends. Especially if you're all women. If you're a woman the perks area never-ending, and people will trip over themselves trying to get you into their clubs. The whole point of Vegas is to get women drunk by offering them open-bar promos and VIP access, which of course brings in the men, who spend an obscene amount of money trying to get with these impared women. It's all so obvious, and honestly pretty friggin' exploitive and immoral, but really, when the line-up to get into any given club if you're not on the guest/promo list is hundreds of people long, you'll take the freebies when they're offered to you. Luckily, our group was savvy enough to take advantage of the perks without falling prey to their true purpose, and we just laughed at how unfair it all was. Men, quite frankly, get gouged in Vegas. They even have to pay to use the pools in the hotels they're guests of! They pay $40 cover (on average) for bars, $10-15 per drink that would be $6-7 here, and if you're not "on the list" forget about getting in anywhere. It's not gonna happen unless you book and pay for bottle service, which starts at several hundred dollars and goes up into the 1000s without blinking. We felt pretty bad for the men who were clearly in town with their girlfriends/wives, and they were still getting completely screwed, just because it's been determined that all men want to throw their money away in attempts to lure drunk girls on vacation into sleeping with them, and these men need to be taken advantage of. Kinda sad.

Anyway, like I said, we took advantage of the perks of our gender and hit up some of the best clubs: Tao, Lavo, Moon at The Palms, Studio 54... and we had a blast dancing and gawking at the extravagance of the strip. We ate disgusting amounts of McDonald's and IHOP in the wee morning hours, laid out by the pool for a few hours each day, did some serious shopping at the outlet centre nearby (scored myself a sweet Coach purse for $99), and managed to do some impressive touring around taking pictures of all the iconic casinos and bars that before last week I had only seen on tv. Seriously, Caeser's Palace is unbelievable. It had talking, moving, marble statues! What the hell is that? And where else on earth could you find something so ridiculous? Only in Vegas.

I don't know if I would need to go back to Las Vegas anytime soon (or ever?). The lifestyle of drinking and tanning and not sleeping was pretty hard on my body - I swear I aged 5 years in as many days - but it was the trip of a lifetime, and I'll have incredible memories to look back on fondly forever. The girls I shared this time with were fun and crazy, and we experienced shockingly little drama during our time together. I can't imagine having done this particular trip with anyone else. :)

Protecting EI for new mothers

2009-04-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

The specifics of this issue took me a bit to really get, but this is certainly worth the effort it takes to understand it. NDP MP Chris Charlton is working hard to get a bill (that was passed in March 09) enforced that resonates with me as a feminist, as a mother, and as an empathetic member of my community during this down-turn in the economy. You can read about it on Ms. Charlton's website here.

Let me paint a picture: A woman gives birth and takes her due maternity leave. After her year, she returns to work only to get laid off, because her company has been struggling like so many others these days. She applies for employment insurance, like anyone else would do, only to find out that the government says she used up all of her employment insurance while taking maternity leave. She's shit out of luck, and possibly now without any sustainable way of putting food on the table. And of course, she has a new baby to care for.

What's happening is the government is punishing women in these circumstances for taking maternity leave. This must change.

Taking one's rightful maternity leave should have NO impact on whether or not mothers qualify for "regular" employment insurance upon returning to their jobs. It implies that they were no longer employed, or were on a personal sabbatical during the time they were away from their desks. While on maternity leave women remain fully employed members of their companies, earning the same benefits throughout their leave. They are not on vacation during this time, and they should not be penalized though they are.

There is a petition on Chris Charlton's website that you can print, sign, and mail back to her (postage free). She will then present it in The House of Commons, and hopefully convince Parliament to enforce this bill as early as Mother's Day!

Please help participate in this movement to protect new moms during this awful recession. If you need any further incentive, just imagine how utterly devastated and pissed you would be if this happened to you. And how grateful you would feel if people banded together to do what's right for you and your family.

Searching for something satisfying...

2009-04-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

My husband took our son out for a bagel and some father-son bonding while I have my Friday lie-in. He wants me to workout and shower in this time (not because he's a jerk, but because I told him I have to do that before we start our fun-filled family day in this beautiful spring weather). As he was heading out the door I think I remember telling him that "maybe" I would do those things while they were out. I haven't.

Instead I've been reading a wicked-ass blog that I stumbled upon randomly through a facebook ad for a mani-pedi bar here in Toronto. The author of the blog owns the mani-pedi bar and for some inexplicable reason, she has connected her business website with her personal (and I do mean PERSONAL) blog page. While I would NEVER want the two things mixing, she seems like a pretty cool girl, and she might even be using her blog as a marketing tool - promoting her salon by publicizing her Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle. You know, 'I'm just like you. I struggle, I love, I have successes and failures. Don't you want to hang out at my Mani-Pedi Bar?' Anyway, whether the connection of work to personal life is as savvy as I'm making it out to be, or just a weird choice that I'm too suspicious to look past, I really enjoyed reading her posts, and it got me thinking...

I miss my pre-baby life. I miss it in a way that I never expected I would and it sucks sometimes. I know I made the right choice to marry my husband - there isn't a better man in the world better for me than him, and I love love love him. And my son? Forget about it, he's everything that words couldn't possibly express. I sing him a song called My Boy, My Joy, and sometimes I find myself just staring at him in loving amazement. BUT... I feel such guilt because I need more in my life than just being a wife and mother. I need my independence. I need time to myself where I'm not being responsible for someone else. Hell, perhaps I even need it more than other moms do... I don't know. I just know that, like it or not, I do have a wanderlust that's been there forever, and it didn't go away when I became a mother. If anything it's made me feel a little trapped. Trapped by responsibility in some ways, trapped by guilt that I need more than other moms do - that I'm selfish. I find myself envying this stranger's Sex and the City-esque life. Wishing that I had her freedom and resenting that I haven't experienced near the successes that she has - even though she probably wouldn't even see her life in such a way.

While lamenting about similar stuff to my brother a while ago, he responded, "well you are Dad...". Like that was in itself an explanation for my struggles. I didn't say anything, but I was offended, and have given it a lot of thought since. You see, my father left our family because he couldn't handle the role of being a "full-time" dad and husband. He resented the expectation he felt to provide for us in the traditional sense. After he left, he moved every year or so, because he got itchy. He's always wandered - from job to job, passion to passion, woman to woman - and we have never been a priority. We have always come second to his passions, to his needs. It terrifies me and breaks my heart that people compare me to him so much. I know he's in there, but I also know that there's a lot of him that is NOT in me, things that I reject and run screaming in the other direction from. I don't accept that I'm destined to fulfill some genetic prophecy my father left for me because I yearn for something more from my life.

Whether my family and/or others get it or not, at the end of my day I want more time to write, to read, to travel, see movies, to go out with girlfriends, to plan fundraisers, to learn, to organize, to exercise. I want to feel fulfilled by a passion. I want to feel useful and powerful beyond my homelife, as a part of the global community. I want to feel successful and smart and desirable. I want to be a wicked mother, and a kick-ass woman separate of that. I'll totally cop to getting the intense, dreaming, passionate side of my father. But I also got the nurturing and committed parts of my mother. I just happen to want it all, and I think I'm becoming okay with that. Now I have to figure out how to get it!

I'm thinking a Mani-Pedi might be in order!!

Spring is coming

2009-04-01T15:10:00.000-07:00

I just had to drag my kid, kicking and screaming out of his first puddle. After 20 minutes of splashing, stomping and throwing rocks in this puddle, he was soaked and filthy (and no doubt cold - although I'm sure that didn't register as a terribly big deal to him). I told him a couple of times that it was time to go, but I realized pretty quickly that the only way I was going to get him away from that puddle was in my arms. So I picked him up and carried him away, with snot and drool and tears dripping from every facial orifice (his not mine). I couldn't help but laugh the whole time while he lost his damned mind. I hope I didn't give him a complex, but it was funny as hell.

I can't wait until I can pick him up a pair of proper rain boots and I can let him go at it until he's had his fill. Watching him discover all the fun of that puddle was probably just as enjoyable for me as it was for him. Well, almost. :)

Friday Fill-In (On Saturday)

2009-03-07T05:49:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY FILL-INS

1. Getting up with the kid and letting my husband sleep in was my last random act of kindness.

2. Another place to network online: Twittermoms

3. Changes can occur in matters of the heart.

4. Coffee, tea or raspberry smoothies.

5. My family and I are often on separate paths.

6. Our random birth luck reminds me that there is a whole world of suffering people who didn't choose to be born into their circumstances and we have the responsibility to help.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hitting up Devil's Martini with the girls, tomorrow my plans include shopping for a new wall clock and Sunday, I want to work out and spring clean!

"Fidelity" Don't Divorce Us

2009-02-15T04:45:00.000-08:00

I am Canadian, and I believe in Gay Rights everywhere, including the right to marry, and right now legally married homosexual couples in California are being threatened. Ken Starr (of Bill Clinton scandal fame) has put forth a legal movement to nullify the marriages of gay couples in California, in response to the passing of Proposition 8 last fall, and this touching video is trying to get the word out that that must not happen. In passing such legislation, government would be undermining loving, committed relationships and the families created from those unions (not to mention taking away the human right they already have to choose who they marry, for goodness sake). It is important to spread their message of love everywhere, not just in the current hotspots. I feel so fortunate to live in Canada at a time like this. All love is recognized as equal here, and we can marry our partners freely, regardless of gender. I figure the more people who see this video, who get a little more exposed to the perspective of these gay families, the more everyone will see just how alike we all are in our ability and right to love. We can, and must, push out the ignorant, divisive mindset that is trying to dictate something we should all unite together for. After all, what are any of us without love?

Let's spread the message - please enjoy this video:

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

This is What a Feminist Looks Like

2009-02-13T17:06:00.000-08:00

I was originally going to write an inspired post about this subject, but my mind is elsewhere tonight and I can't switch out just yet. Anyway, I came across this video in my drafts folder and realized I'd forgotten to post it, so here it is. I love it and I hope you will love it and join me on the Feminist train!!

Village Voice - Worst Lyrics of 2008

2009-02-06T06:34:00.001-08:00

I heard that Nickelback received the honour of Worst Lyrics of 2008 for their song "Something In Your Mouth". I had to check out just how bad the lyrics were and who they were competition with, and the results actually shocked this liberal chick!! Maybe I'm not as liberal as I thought, because lyrics like "I'm a venereal disease, like a menstrual bleed" totally had my jaw on the floor. Some of the finalists' submissions (I like to think they all campaigned hard for the top prize) are even more vulgar, so if you'd like to read more click here - I just can't copy that sh*t on here in good conscience.

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/pdf/villagevoice-robharvilla-worstlyrics2008.pdf

Take time to talk to your child - The Onion

2009-01-27T16:50:00.000-08:00

I came across this funny article on The Onion, and thought I'd share it. It's so true, what the author says, that you have to pay attention to your children, no matter how lame or ridiculous you think their interests are. Showing them that you respect and are interested in the things that matter to them builds their self-confidence and their bond with you. It's unreal how much time I spend in a given day taking really excitedly about trains and farm animals with my one-year-old.

I just loved this guy's particular approach to spreading the word... check it out here.

White House statement on Roe v. Wade anniversary

2009-01-26T18:30:00.000-08:00

Just copied and pasted. I don't believe any further commentary is required by me:

THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release January 22, 2009

Statement of President Obama on the 36th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade

On the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, we are reminded that this decision not only protects women's health and reproductive freedom, but stands for a broader principle: that government should not intrude on our most private family matters. I remain committed to protecting a woman's right to choose.

While this is a sensitive and often divisive issue, no matter what our views, we are united in our determination to prevent unintended pregnancies, reduce the need for abortion, and support women and families in the choices they make. To accomplish these goals, we must work to find common ground to expand access to affordable contraception, accurate health information, and preventative services.

On this anniversary, we must also recommit ourselves more broadly to ensuring that our daughters have the same rights and opportunities as our sons: the chance to attain a world-class education; to have fulfilling careers in any industry; to be treated fairly and paid equally for their work; and to have no limits on their dreams. That is what I want for women everywhere.

THE WHITE HOUSE, January 22, 2009.

Word Association of the day

2009-01-20T12:10:00.000-08:00

Word bank from www.writeanyway.com

Scream Fest
Dog Poo
Ice Cream
Travel Log
Money Clip
Website URL
Comic Book
Understand Empathy
Psychic Phenomena
Soap Opera

My favourite quotes from Obama's Inauguration Address

2009-01-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

"The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness [emphasis mine]...

...The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified...

...Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint...

...For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth [emphasis mine]; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace...

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship."
[emphasis mine]

It's too quiet

2009-01-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

I'm struggling more than I expected I would. My husband's parents left about an hour ago with our son for a few days at their place in Wiarton, while Luke and I get some much needed time to rest and reconnect. But I haven't been able to stop crying since they pulled away. When I said goodbye at the car he reached for me and started to cry, and I just had to smile and quickly get it over with - I knew it wouldn't do anyone any good to draw it out and get him hysterical for the car-ride. It broke my heart that he reached for me and I couldn't go to him. I feel so guilty that he can't understand it all yet, and I worry that he's going to be scared without at least one of us with him. This is the first time we've left him with anyone for more than a few hours, and I can't believe how much I miss him already. I already looked at some pictures of him on my Facebook profile, and the tears just poured down my face. I feel like such a drama queen, but honestly, knowing that he can't totally understand what's happening, and worrying that he'll be upset, waiting for us, and wondering why we aren't showing up... it's almost too much. I feel like I want to call my in-laws and tell them to turn around....

I know in my head that once I'm out of his immediate thoughts, he will be fine (he probably settled down quite quickly, actually), and that he won't be up there stressing out every minute or anything. It's the "mommy" moments that I worry about, like when he needs to go to sleep and he's used to the way I cuddle and sing to him, or when he wakes up and either his dad or I go in to get him. Will he be scared to wake up and be greeted by someone else, simply because he'll be out of it and he'll forget to expect that Nana will be getting him, and not us? I worry that they won't know the little things that can soothe him, like chewing on my sweatshirt string when he's nervous, or that Nana won't prepare his food the way I do and he'll give her a hard time.

I trust Luke's parents completely, so this has nothing to do with that. It's just first time nerves, I suppose. I'm just honestly surprised that I'm reacting so extremely to it. My heart feels heavy and everything related to parenting, or Owen specifically, that I see or hear just sends me over the edge, and I start crying and pacing. I think I just need to stop focussing on this and get started enjoying my time off. I have the 2nd book in the Twilight series to read, and tons of magazines and blogs to catch up on. It'll help me to shift my attention from wallowing about Owen, to enjoying this time as I'm meant to. I just have to distract myself and then this sucky-baby feeling sorry for myself will fade. I know one thing for sure: when morning comes and I don't have to get up until I feel like it, with no guilt that Luke is up in my place, I will certainly find the appreciation for my situation rather than whatever this is I'm feeling now.

Wish me luck, and I'll certainly update later in the week. :)

A first birthday party

2009-01-18T16:32:00.000-08:00

Well, it feels oddly quiet at our place now that the troops have departed after a busy, and love-filled weekend celebrating my son's first birthday. After the party wrapped up yesterday, we still had my mother, as well as my brother, sister-in-law, and their daughter (my niece, duh), Audrey, stay the night. Mom took off around 10 this morning, but Jeff & Dashka stayed most of the day, because they're are headed to Cuba this evening for a week at a beach resort (unfair, right? Yeah, I think so, too.) Anyway, their flight had been delayed repeatedly, so we just hung out, ate a lot, played video games (Sonic, anyone?!) and reveled in seeing our children bond. I really wish, especially after such a great visit, that we lived close enough to make days like today happen more often. The distance makes it tough to see eachother regularly. My heart felt so full having them here. Anyway, so the hours passed, and they ended up leaving to catch an 8:10 flight. Unfortunately, I just got a call from my brother, saying that it's been pushed back yet again, this time to 10:50 tonight. I feel so bad for them - and they're doing this all with their 16 month old in tow... makes me kind of glad our tentative plans to tag along with them fell through weeks ago...

Well, I've gone and started at the end for some reason. Let's straighten things out a little here... okay, the weekend got off to a bit of the rocky start. I woke up early with Luke and Owen yesterday, with plans to prepare all the food, and finish some last minute cleaning jobs before company started to arrive. Little did I expect that I would get hit with an ocular migraine that would knock me on my butt for the majority of the morning. It started innocently enough with me just seeing a bit of a light halo, like when you look at a bright light and then look away and you can still see the light's "aura"... but it wouldn't go away. That halo slowly became bigger and more colourful, and I also started to see heatwave-looking zig-zags coming off of my husband (because he's just that hot, perhaps?), and feeling a little unsteady on my feet. I lay down and closed my eyes for a while, which seemed to help, but soon I felt the all-too-familiar rush of numbness shoot through my left arm. I've had enough migraines in my life to know that numbness leads nowhere good, and sure enough, it moved to my cheek, my gums and my tongue within minutes. I jumped up and, like a woman on fire, started to do the few things that I certainly wouldn't be able to do once the pain set in, like brush my teeth and shower. I ran to the bathroom with my eyes closed, arms flailing, feeling for walls and doors and turned on the tap. No water. I called to Luke, who reminded me that we only had hot water, because our cold pipe froze overnight (it apparently reached a low of 30 below zero that night), and would take a couple of hours to thaw. I was so stressed out that my company was going to start arriving and I would still be in bed, with greasy hair, wearing ratty pajamas... not to mention that none the the food would be ready, and I was trusting my husband to finish all the other housework that totally required two of us to accomplish. Thank my lucky stars, Owen decided to be a complete angel, and he pretty much played happily in his crib while Luke frittered away at the various tasks. I popped as many ibuprofin as was safe and jumped into my bed to ride the migraine out.

I don't know if someone was looking out for me, or if I just managed to get ahead of it, but when I woke up around 10:30 to the sound of my sister arriving, the pain that had started earlier seemed to have faded almost completely away. The migraine didn't end up materializing like I've experienced before. Whatever the reason or method, I got super-lucky, and over the next hour I improved all the way back to normal.

Unfortunately, we still didn't have cold water in the bathroom, so my sister washed my hair the kitchen sink, and I managed to get myself dressed and throw on some makeup before anyone else arrived. My mom and Luke's parents showed up soon after I was decent and were kind enough to help me get the food all set up, while others continued to arrive and start chatting in the living room. I feel like I made such a narrow escape. I was fully expecting to spend my son's first birthday party in bed, hiding under the covers, coming out only to be sick and then slide back under again. I'm so thankful that I was able to recover so quickly and completely and could enjoy spending such a special day with my son and all my closest family.

So, everything got back on track and we had a great party. We laughed and ate, and took an obscene number of pictures of Owen doing cute birthday things - playing with balloons, unwrapping gifts, devouring the cake my best friend, Katy, so sweetly made for him. People came and went casually, as their schedules and highway driving conditions dictated, so we never had more than 12 people here at one time. It worked out quite well that way, as no one had trouble finding somewhere to sit, and it never got too overwhelming for the birthday boy.

I can't believe it's been a year since Owen entered the world. In some ways it feels like it should be way longer ago that I gave birth to him - I feel like I've known him my whole life. On the other hand, though, when I look at how big he is and how many milestones he has hit, I marvel at how little time as really passed. It's quite shocking how much has happened in just one year. It has been the hardest, most emotional, most thrilling and educational way to spend a year, and I am the luckiest person to not only have survived it (which, believe me, should count for something!!!), but I get to continue on learning and loving with the most precious little boy in the world.

I'm grateful to have such a closely knit family to celebrate such a special day with. I know my son is incredibly loved at times like this.

Happy Birthday Owen. :)

Bush declares "Sanctity of Human Life Day"

2009-01-16T14:09:00.001-08:00

Oh.my.god. Oh.my.god. It bears repeating, that was no typo.

I can't even find the words for this, this, this... beyond obnoxious, totally dangerous, thoroughly ignorant and completely inappropriate "holiday". Dubya decided that before he stepped down (and passed the torch to someone actually worthy of being called the President) he needed to declare "Sanctity of Human Life Day" as his 'effing Swan Song.

A snippet, if you will (found on feministing.com):
"All human life is a gift from our creator that is sacred, unique and worthy of protection. On National Sanctity of Human Life Day, our country recognizes that each person, including every person waiting to be born, has a special place and purpose in this world,"
"The most basic duty of government is to protect the life of the innocent. My administration has been committed to building a culture of life by vigorously promoting adoption and parental notification laws, opposing federal funding for abortions overseas, encouraging teen abstinence and funding crisis pregnancy programs."

I hate this man so much. I could get into all the reasons why this day curdles my blood (namely it's manipulative way of convincing people to get behind stripping women and families of their right to make decisions for their own lives, by naming this day something so lovely-sounding that it disguises its true purpose), but I would hope that my stance on abortion rights isn't unclear. I am so against these religious pro-lifers and the way they're trying to do away with a woman's right to her OWN FRICKIN' BODY that I want to scream. I can't get into this, it's too upsetting and I have too much housework to do! Stupid George Bush, why did you have to go and ruin my night?

Friday Fill-In

2009-01-16T13:44:00.000-08:00

# 107

1. Enough with the cold!!

2. Residual coughing and hosting a party tomorrow causes me to be conflicted.

3. I've been craving KD - ugh!

4. My husband while on Twitter makes me laugh.

5. I wish I could go to Cuba with Jeff and Dashka next week.

6. Owen's birthday party and too many doctor's appointments to count has been on my mind lately.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to tons-o-cleaning, tomorrow my plans include my big boy's 1st birthday party and Sunday, I want to recuperate!

As always, taken from Friday Fill-Ins

Prepping for a party

2009-01-16T13:19:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow will be a big day at our place. Owen's first birthday party is finally here!! We had to reschedule our last attempt because of a nasty flu-bug that had us all disgustingly out-of-commission, and I'm so excited that we're finally able to get this party started! There won't be as many people coming this time, seems a lot of our friends had last minute family things to deal with or vacations to take, but it actually kind of makes it better. The headcount was getting a little ridiculous!! For the last party, I think we had 25 or 30 people confirmed, and for this one only 15 or so - much more manageable in our smallish place. Also, this way we only have family coming (and my best friend, but she's like family, so I'll count her in that group! hee), so nobody will feel out of place, and I won't have to play hostess introduction games for the friends who wouldn't know many people.

We've made pretty good headway on the cleaning front, but we still have much to do. We're taking extra care with our disinfecting and thoroughness because we're all three getting over yucky throat/ear infections that plagued us most of last weekend and the early part of this week. Yes, back-to-back with our flus from the New Year! YAY!!! The doctor said on Sunday that 48 hours would be plenty of time to get us all "uncontagious", so I figure we're good to go. I just hope Luke's residual cough, and Owen's runny nose (caused by teething at this point, I swear!) won't freak anyone out... *fingers crossed*. Anyway, I have a lot of food prep left to do. I figure I'll try to get cookies baked and the mixtures for egg & tuna sandwiches made, and the rest will have to wait until tomorrow for freshness reasons. We still have the back half of the apartment to vacuum and mop, plus we need to throw some linens in the wash for our over-night company... the kitchen must be done tonight too! Yikes, what am I doing online right now?!?!? lol

Well, back to it! I'll post pictures and an update when our wonderful family hits the bricks!! lol

Friday Fill-in

2009-01-09T15:23:00.000-08:00

1. The world is capable of healing.

2. "I'm not looking for anything" was the last thing I said.

3. I wonder if my husband resents me for staying in bed sick all day while he cares for our son alone...

4. There is something to be learned at the end of all things.

5. There’s something to be said for a good night's sleep.

6. In my dining room, scrapbooking, is where I want to be.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to reading The Jane Austen Book Club, tomorrow my plans include hopefully feeling well enough to meet a new friend from Australia, then have two old friends over for dinner, and Sunday, I want to give my hubby a bit of a break to race online.

As always, Friday Fill-ins can be found here: fridayfillins.blogspot.com

My new hobby

2009-01-09T14:34:00.000-08:00

I've found a new hobby, and since starting a week or so ago, I've become totally addicted to it: scrapbooking! I sort of fell into it out of necessity. I needed a place to keep my son's mall photo with Santa, which is too big to fit in our photo albums, yet worthy of better attention than it would get being stuffed in a box and shoved under a bed somewhere. I thought of scrapbooking, and I soon realized that I have a lot of other mementos that I'd like to keep, like cards and newspaper clippings, that a scrapbook would be perfect for. And so it began! I've completed 3 pages so far, and have already collected quite a supply of scrapbook gear - stickers, archival pages, markers, double-sided tape, etc. I'm really surprised at how much fun I'm having with it.

I find the process of organizing and creating each page really satisfying. And even though I'll be the first to admit that I find scrapbooking to be kind of a dorky pastime, I'm so into it that I really don't care. I'm constantly thinking about the next step and looking forward to whatever free time I can finagle to tinker away at it. Suddenly, all cards and wrapping paper have new potential! I'm so disappointed now when I think of all the lovely notes that came my way that have ended up in recycling, simply because I didn't know what to do with them. I hate the idea of becoming a pack-rat, so I've been pretty cut-throat when it comes to tossing birthday and Christmas cards. Because really, who keeps a boring Christmas card from a distant Uncle you see once a year? But now, such cards will find new life in my scrapbooks, whether by cutting them all up to steal the images for embellishments, or to actually preserve the sentiments written inside, I like the idea that these gifts will go on in some way.

I really wanted to find some this weekend to work on a few pages, but since I'm feeling under the weather I'm not sure if I'll get a chance. It's one thing that you can't really do while in bed, and I'm shocked to find that not scrapbooking is the thing that's got me the most frustrated about being sick! *sigh* I feel like admitting that makes me a die-hard scrapbooker... are you judging me for it? ;)

Word Association of the day

2008-12-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

Robot Monster
Ring Wedding
Kangaroo Droppings
Savage Garden
Alien Invaders
Television Set
Media Television
Crack Whore (eek)
Hanger Wire
Construction Site

As always, word associations are pulled from Write Anyway

Snowed-in and bored on a Sunday

2008-12-07T07:49:00.000-08:00

Today was supposed to be spent taking Owen to London (Ontario, don't get too excited for me) to visit my mom. We've been planning a trip to the craft show at the fairgrounds for a couple of months now, and I was looking so forward to it. I have a list of things I wanted to try to find: a stocking for Owen, some homemade tree ornaments, a unique "crafty" gift for my MIL, and some delicious baked treats (you know, a reward for shopping so hard...). Afterwards, we were going to pick up my Grandma and have her over for dinner. She hasn't had any one-on-one time with her Great-Grandson since he was 4 months old (he's 11 months old now), so I had my camera all packed and ready to capture some wonderful moments.

Then I had a play-date planned for tomorrow morning with a mom friend of mine from high school, whom I reconnected with on Facebook while we were both pregnant last year. Her daughter is just a couple of months younger than Owen and the last time we got together they had a lot of fun - again the camera was ready for certain cuteness!! After that we would go to my mom's place of work where she would show of her one and only "Bright-eyed, Beautiful Baby Boy" to her co-workers and we'd likely go out for dinner afterwards. Tuesday was to include a visit to my cousin's house. She has three young children and also runs a home daycare, so it's always tons of fun over there!!

So, we woke up this morning, very pumped to get on the road. I called my mom right away, and was talking about how excited I was to get there when she totally burst my bubble - there is a major snow storm watch in her area and it would not be safe to travel. It took a few minutes for me to totally accept it, and if were just me going I might have even chanced it, but now that I have such precious cargo to transport, it's just not worth it. The warnings were for "severe and dangerous driving conditions". Who wants to mess with that? Certainly not me, but I'm just so disappointed that our plans have been ruined. To top it all off, Luke had to go to a work course all day today, so it's just me and Owen hanging out at home. There's absolutely nothing going on on Sundays - no drop-ins, no programs, and none of my friends are available to rescue us. So I'm stuck trying to find ways to entertain a spunky kid (who, by the way, has decided to switch to only one nap a day recently), without having anywhere to go, or anything in particular to do. I must say that, so far, it's going well - he's in pretty good spirits and happy playing in the living room. But how much playing in a two bedroom apartment can a kid do before he gets bored? I fear what happens when that time comes. And it is imminent...

Anyway, if anyone has any Sunday boredom busters (for today or future reference!) I'd love to hear 'em!

A new Coalition government?

2008-12-01T20:26:00.001-08:00

We had a national election about 8 weeks ago, in which the Conservative Party of Canada secured another minority government. The other three main parties have been butting heads with the Conservatives, lead by our Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, for ages now, and it looks like they've finally had enough. Our Finance Minister delivered his economic and fiscal statement the other day, and its lack of a comprehensive stimulus plan has enraged the opposition. They see it as failing the Canadian people, and the final straw. Jack Layton wrote in his official statement on the coalition, "We have a government that refuses to act when our economy, and the people whom it serves, need it more than at any time in a generation. The government has lost the confidence of the people of Canada and therefore it has lost the confidence of this Parliament. It falls on us to act." The opposition's stance is that more than half of the country does not support Harper and these people are not being listened to. We all deserve a more definitive strategy regarding the economic struggles our country is in for. So now the Liberals, the NDP, and the Bloc are forming a united coalition in the hopes of creating a better economic future of Canada and all of its citizens.

I've been trying to wrap my head around all the millions of pieces of information that are floating around on message boards, and on official party websites, but truthfully, I find it all pretty mind-boggling. Certainly, I do not care for Stephen Harper, but I wonder if usurping the Conservatives with a coalition government is the answer. And do I want Stephane Dion, the presumed choice for the leader of this coalition and, by extension, the would-be Prime Minister representing this coalition? Representing Canada? Representing me? I would need to be convinced that he's up to the task before I can get on board with this plan.

I read a number of posts by people who thought the idea of the coalition isn't a bad one in itself, but they're wondering what on earth took them so long to do it. They're wondering why didn't they didn't do this before the election, so as not to waste the time and energy of all of us who voted (not to mention all those who volunteered and campaigned). My thoughts are that they were hoping the election results would bring in new numbers that could better influence the Conservatives in its second time around in power. However, even though the election did result in a slightly more diverse group of seats in Parliament, the opposition says that Harper won't listen to or negotiate with the other Parties. This is frustrating because, again, more than half of Canadians do not support his government or its ideologies.

I suppose drastic measures do need to be taken, but I can't help but feel uneasy about this plan for now. I'm hoping for more comprehensive information from all the parties - the rhetoric from ALL sides makes my head spin. It's so hard to know who to have faith in. I just wonder what it would be like if we could all actually work together... although, I suppose, that is exactly what this new coalition is proposing to do. I guess we have to wait and see what happens in the upcoming weeks.

What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear them.

Friday Fill-In (On Monday)

2008-12-01T20:19:00.000-08:00

1. My stomach is in knots.
2. Trailmix is what I ate the most of today.
3. The yard is underwhelming.
4. On the beach is where I'd rather be at any given time.
5. The smell of my Vaseline lotion reminds me of my vacation to Panama a couple of years ago.
6. Faith in government is what I need right now!
7. And as for the weekend, Friday I'm looking forward to Aquafit, Saturday my plans include seeing The Nutcracker ballet and Sunday, I want to go to the London craft show with my Mom, and have dinner with Grandma!

Owen being hilarious

2008-12-01T07:36:00.001-08:00

I'm having trouble getting my video to show up here... *shrug* can't figure it out for the life of me. To see a funny video of my little guy, Owen, cracking himself up, check out my You Tube page here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qGofpszXkY

Merry Christmas

2008-11-30T17:01:00.000-08:00

Make a Smilebox greeting

Sarah Palin pranked by The Masked Avengers

2008-11-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m38kNLSEras

In case you haven't heard Sarah Palin was prank called by The Masked Avengers, two notorious comedians from Montreal Radio Station CKOI. They pretended to be French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, and Palin lasted 7 minutes in the phone conversation before the duo revealed themselves as frauds. Not once did she clue-in that the whole thing was a set-up! Even when they used completely ridiculous names for the Canadian Prime Minister and Sarkozy's advisor. I pray more of these types of things come out in the next few days before this crazy lady becomes the next VP of America. lol

Enjoy the clip!

Word Banks from Write Anyway

2008-10-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

These word banks come from writeanyway.com

My words are in blue...

First Word Bank - I don’t want you to write a short story or anything actually. What I want you to do is word association. For every word there, I want you to write the word and then write the first word that comes to your mind after.

Expectation - heavy
Pressure - peer
Brown - bag
Leisure - suit
Soap Opera - Days of our Lives
Alarm Clock - blaring
Dentist - root canal
Eggs - shells
Gentle - soul
Cup - and saucer

Third Word Bank - I would like you to try your hand at writing a poem incorporating the words provided. (You don’t have to use them all if you can’t; poetry is a bit different.)

It's late, I'll attempt this tomorrow... stay tuned!

white
old
meaningful
need
change
life
perfect
help
smooth
balance

Friday Fill-In

2008-10-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

1. Right now, I'm feeling accomplished.
2. In a classroom is where I want to be.
3. How does one find the motivation to work out everyday - there's so much more I want to spend my time doing!?
4. Guilt keeps me on track.
5. Please don't litter.
6. My son, Owen, fills me with joy.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching The Hulk with The Husband, hee, tomorrow my plans include working out (I swear) and going to the movies with my girlfriend and Sunday, I want to celebrate my birthday at a Victorian Tea Party my friends are throwing me!

fridayfillins.blogspot.com

Guest post on Saverqueen.com

2008-10-25T09:25:00.001-07:00

My good friend, Megan, invited me to write a guest post on her awesome blog, saverqueen.com. I was so happy to do it and had a lot of fun writing about the joys and benefits of puréeing your own baby food.

The goal of saverqueen.com is to help others by offering fun and insightful tips on saving money, and I'm honoured to have been asked to contribute to it with my perspective as a new mom.

Check out my post and stay awhile while you're there - you won't regret it. It's a great blog. :)

http://saverqueen.com/

Interesting new article: "Blame The Party"

2008-10-18T06:52:00.001-07:00

I just came across this article from the Ottawa Citizen. I think it has a new perspective on the much-crucified Stephane Dion's plummet in popularity (especially within his own party). It's a good read and it has influenced my opinion of the Liberal leader and power he lacks politically.

Blame the party

The Ottawa Citizen

Published: Saturday, October 18, 2008

Integrity is something that people have asked for in their elected officials for many years. But when a politician with integrity comes along but loses an election because he wanted to stick to his integrity we immediately label his honesty as naïve or impractical.

Even before the ballot boxes had been put back into storage, articles by pundits and Liberal insiders were streaming out demanding Mr. Dion's resignation and declaring he would be the cause of the Liberal party's downfall. But shouldn't the Liberal party bear some blame? When you work as a team, you win as a team and lose as a team.

Don't get me wrong. Mr Dion did lose the election because he made some poor decisions and he just couldn't make Canadians understand the benefits of the Green Shift.

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But you have to admire a man who stuck to what he believed in and didn't alter his course to match the latest polls.

What I think is the most disappointing is that Prime Minister Stephen Harper secured his victory in the election by investing millions of dollars in crass, personal and tasteless attack ads. And we have enabled this behaviour by increasing his mandate.

Sadly enough, I do think Mr. Dion needs to step down as the head of the Liberal party, not because he lacks the passion to help his country but because he's an idealist swimming with hardened opportunists.

So the next time you decide to complain about "slimy" politicians, remember we created those "slimy" politicians and the world they work in.

Mr. Dion tried his best, so rather then pushing him out door like an unwanted in-law, let us at least show our true Canadianness and give him a pat on the back, a shake of the hand and a thank-you for trying to make a difference.

He tried to help his country and it is the least we can do.

Ashoka Patel,

Ottawa

© The Ottawa Citizen 2008

Friday Fill-In

2008-10-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

1. Follow your moral compass.
2. Sunscreen is something I always take with me on vacation.
3. To achieve your goals, you must get off your butt.
4. I'm passionate, sometimes to a preaching fault, is something I'd like you to know about me.
5. I have a desire to learn more.
6. Dreams float.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Katy coming over for a girly night, tomorrow my plans include working out and shopping and Sunday, I want to do some overdue reading and sign up for an online course!

What will it take?

2008-10-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at my computer, alone for the weekend, enjoying some trivial celeb gossip and catching up on email. Or I was anyway. While scrolling through the mindless and wonderfully entertaining smut online I came across a heading begging Americans not to follow in Canadian footsteps regarding their upcoming election. Why? Because in our federal election this week we Canadians didn't show up to vote. "Canadians shunned the polls during their national election with the lowest turnout on record... some 59.1% of voters went to the polls on Tuesday." (yahoo news)

I read the article and started to cry - actual tears formed and I rested my head in my hands. I'm struggling to find the right words here... I just can't understand why people didn't care enough to participate. It makes me so upset and frustrated, because I care so much and I pray for something, or someone, to come along that will inspire the rest of the country to get involved in the process. 59.1%? It's insulting to all the people who campaign, who work the polling stations, who stuff envelopes, who engage in intelligent and sometimes combative conversations during these times, to not at least make the effort to cast one vote for a say in our collective future. How can you not do that much? How can you not care what happens? For your children, for your parents who may be reaching an age where they rely on the government to survive, or for goodness sake, for YOURSELF!! Don't you care about the economy, about the states of education and healthcare, about equality and human rights, about keeping industry in Canada, about protecting our fragile environment? Seriously, do NONE of these things matter?

I am so offended by the disrespect shown to the women and other minority groups who came before us - people who fought, with dire consequences, to have the right to vote. They cared so much about having a say that they were beaten, imprisoned, and ostracized, and it is a slap in their faces that we didn't even show up (literally and figuratively). They fought to give us the right to vote, and now it is our responsibility to use that right. It breaks my heart that pride of civic duty and pride of impacting our nation's future aren't strong enough incentives to get people involved. We have turned into a country of people who are not accountable anymore. Somewhere along the road to bettering ourselves the lessons about responsibility and community action fell by the wayside. We all want something for nothing these days, and we believe we're entitled to it all without necessarily earning it. Well, guess what? The reason we can take our abundant human rights for granted today is because our predecessors voted and fought to provide them for us!! We are so blessed and we owe it to ourselves and to those before us to respect these rights we have. We have a moral obligation to care!

The world doesn't change by people complaining, it changes by participation and action. And 60.9% of this country chose to sit home and watch Dancing with the Stars instead of voting. We should all be ashamed.

"That's so gay."

2008-10-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

Check out this video on perezhilton.com featuring Hilary Duff. It drives me crazy when people use "That's so gay" as a synonym for "That's so shitty", so when I saw this clip I had to share it with you here. I really hope that this insulting phrase fades away as more people realize the true meaning behind the words.

http://perezhilton.com/tv/index.php?ptvid=c527bac2395be

Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity

2008-09-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

I'm posting a slightly edited version of an email I received this morning. The message remains in tact, but some of the phrasing was awkward and words were even missing from the version I got (friggin' forwards... something always gets lost in translation I suppose), so I had to extrapolate in a few places. If the original author comes across this, I hope they won't be upset that this isn't verbatim.

So, refresh my memory. Some women won't vote this year

because - why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to

get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?

Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's

new movie 'Iron Jawed Angels.' It is a graphic depiction of

the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain

at the polling booth and have my say. I am ashamed to say I

needed the reminder.

My friend, Wendy, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my

desk to talk about it, she looked angry. She was -- with herself.

'One thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie,'

she said. 'What would those women think of the way I use, or

don't use [my right to vote?]' Social studies and government teachers

should include the movie in their curriculum. I want it shown on

Bunco night, too, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this

isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the

numbers that we should be, and I think a little shock therapy is in order.

It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to

persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that

she could be permanently institutionalized. And it is

inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong,

he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy. The doctor

admonished the men: 'Courage in women is often mistaken for

insanity.'

We need to get out and vote and use this right that was

fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Remember

to vote.

*PS In Canada the women of Manitoba got the right to vote

in 1916 thanks to the efforts of Nellie McClung and her

colleagues. The rest of Canadian women were allowed to vote

in federal elections when the Women's Franchise Act was

passed in 1918. However, it was not until 1940 that the

women of Quebec got the right to vote in provincial

elections - the last province to accord them this right of

suffrage.

It's so important to vote

2008-09-17T10:25:00.000-07:00

"The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." - Plato

I've attached links to the websites of our four main political parties here in Canada, in the hopes that it will jump-start your research into the issues that are surrounding us during this election period.

It's so easy to shrug it off, or to say that your vote won't count, but it will. Some people are elected into office by just a handful of votes, and it's in those instances where we see that each person really does influence our resulting government. Even if your candidate doesn't win, you still send a message to Ottawa that influences how policies get decided - more seats get allocated to other parties with different views, so debates become more layered and objective. That is how we ensure our democratic future.

Our country is full of many people: rich and under-priviledged, farmers and businessmen, men and women, liberals and conservatives, people of every imaginable ethnicity, religion and value system. It would be a shame for the voices of the voting minorities (including middle class women, btw) to hand over their rights and opinions over to those who have no understanding of the issues that affect them.

Their are so many issues to get behind, and I hope that you will get involved - at least enough to cast an informed vote on October 14th. Please take the time to look over the policies, platforms and history of the candidates. It may not be fun, but it is our responsibility to get involved in the electoral process.

2008-09-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

Word Bank Poem - Torn

2008-09-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

Word Bank from writeanyway.com

nature

step

fragile

pair

knowledge

mistake

advice

rescue

time

devote

Is it a mistake

to pass on the advice of others,

and step into forgiveness?

As half of a fragile pair,

I attempted a brave rescue

and devoted too much of myself

to the task.

Now I must choose if her nature

can be negotiated with,

or if it's time

to acknowledge the truth.

That years alone

can not bind us.

It will all be undone

if the rope is too frayed.

A big week for my big boy

2008-09-04T18:53:00.001-07:00

This has been a big week for my son. First he started crawling, and today his first tooth broke through!

Man, for all the hell that the first 4 months of parenthood was, I'm now being rewarded big-time with the sweetest, most wonderful little boy. He has energy like you wouldn't imagine, and he is so curious that he's getting into everything - particularly the things he shouldn't get into like cables, cords and cat food. Today we had eachother in hysterics sticking out our tongues at one another. He started it, just playing with his own tongue, pointing it, rolling it around in his mouth, grabbing it with his fingers... you get the idea, and I stuck mine out at him to see if he would understand that we were doing the same thing. He reached for my tongue and started giggling, then stuck his own out and I would laugh, which would make him laugh even harder. It was the best moment of my day, just making my baby so happy like that - there's nothing like it in the world.

I also took him out this afternoon to meet up with my girlfriend, and during the drive to the mall I kept glancing in my rearview mirror at him. He sat quietly, playing with his toy phone or tugging on a car seat strap, and I couldn't help but smile at him. My chest felt full and warm looking at my gorgeous, well-behaved little guy. Even though we were stuck in rush hour traffic I couldn't have cared less, because singing "Down by the Bay" to my baby, and reaching back to stroke his hair at red lights totally makes my life. Now, I know that during those first few months of colic and exzema I had doubts as to whether or not I was really ready for this whole motherhood thing. But as days of smiles, babbling, and laughter have become the norm, the days of freakouts and poor sleeping (his and mine!) fade into distant memories. I realize that not only was I ready for a child, but having this person to spend my life with has blessed me in ways that I'm only just beginning to discover. I look forward to each new day with excitement about what he might learn or do, and in this particular stage (8 months) it seems that there really is something new every single day. I can only imagine what the coming days (and months and years!) will bring, and I wonder how my heart will manage not to burst with love for him, considering it's already so full. :)

Miley Cyrus wants you to suck on this...

2008-08-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

So, we all know that Miley Cyrus has taken over the world with her (and her alter-ego, Hannah Montana's) mass merchandising. Movies? Check. Clothing line? Check. Posters and lunchboxes? Check, check. But if you thought that was enough, well then you would be mistaken, because whose life could be complete without... drumroll please... Hannah Montana candy?!!

Especially if that candy looks like a big, hairless penis. The lineup starts behind me! The package says that they're supposed to be Guitar & Microphone Shapes, but you tell me, does that flesh-coloured, rubbery treat look anything like a guitar to you? Didn't think so. Now I'm sure (I hope!!) that this next observation is subjective and not intended by Disney, but the way the shaft - ahem, sorry, the neck of the guitar - is pointing at Hannah Montana's wide open, smiling mouth... it just sends too many messages that shouldn't be there when looking at the image of a 15 year old "role model". Messages that surely someone in Miss Cyrus' camp should have questioned when looking over the final product!

Honestly, who on this earth could have approved this? Do her parents/management team even look at this stuff before it goes out, or are products bearing her name and image handled by an entirely separate group of people? I mean really, even if the "guitar" shape could pass, certainly someone should have questioned the colour! It is the colour of skin for God's sake!

Friday Fill-In (On Sunday)

2008-08-31T08:35:00.000-07:00

And...here we go!

1. When I'm sick I'm prone to read US Weekly.

2. When I take a walk, I think about how I wish my neighbourhood was less hilly just this once.

3. Money can't buy happiness but it can buy you a new fall wardrobe, which makes you happy!

4. Cotton makes me comfortable and leather makes me feel guilty.

5. The strangest person/character I've had lewd thoughts about was Chris Farley - I was dreaming though, therefore not my fault.

6. My favorite color these days is blue because it brings out my eyes.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to watching Gossip Girl, tomorrow my plans include watching Gossip Girl and Sunday, I want to shop for a dress for an upcoming wedding.

Why do men cheat (and women for that matter)?

2008-08-18T12:34:00.000-07:00

I'm so beyond frustrated at the number of douchebag celebrities lately that have been caught cheating on their wives. In particular -because they're the most recent offenders - Balthazar Getty and John Edwards.

You all know the stories: Balthazar Getty has been caught by photogs having an affair with Sienna Miller. She's topless, he's grabbing and kissing her, she's groping him below the belt... he has a wife and 4 children at home. John Edwards was busted when pictures surfaced of him meeting with his mistress and the child he allegedly fathered with her. His wife, Elizabeth has been battling incurable cancer and supported him during his 2 huge political bids (for Vice President with John Kerry in 2004 and as a candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination in early 2008). It has also been determined that he has been paying off his mistress - likely with campaign dollars.

Oh and then there's always Dean McDermott, Tori Spelling's sleaze of a husband who left not only his wife for the washed-up actress, but also his toddler son and newly adopted, infant daughter.

I can't even begin to imagine what these women are going through. The thought of my husband who I adore and depend on so much touching another woman, loving another woman, leaving me and my son to start another family, it leaves me feeling frantic. To betray the person who has stood by you and given you children, it's the worst thing you could ever do to someone. For God's sake, leave your wife if you need to stray. Leave her and then go frolicking, but do not bring your wife down so low as to be your mistresses sloppy seconds. It makes me shudder to think that a man could lie with another woman and then come home and get into bed with his unsuspecting wife. I would feel so filthy, so nauseated, so totally insulted if my husband ever betrayed me like that.

These men deserve whatever scorn and nasty karma that befalls them. I don't care what your wife did or didn't do, nothing would make stepping out explainable or forgivable. If you can't stand her, or you're that bored with her, please show her the respect of leaving her first. Do not insult her by going to another woman (or man, whatever...) in search of whatever you're missing. It's cowardly and low, and I have zero sympathy for these men who cry about how sorry they are (after being caught of course!), how it was a moment of weakness, how they were going through an awful time. I couldn't care less. Maybe it makes me a cold bitch, but that's a label I can handle.

So to all you cheating men out there: I hope you're having a blast knowing that you've destroyed your family (whether your wife let you stay or not) in order to indulge in some extra-marital booty. You are a loser and a disgrace. A real man would never do what you did/are doing.

For all the ladies home alone on a Saturday night...

2008-08-16T20:39:00.000-07:00

I had the hottest dream about David Beckam last week and I can't get him out of my head, so I thought I'd put him in yours! Oh, and do yourself a favour and open up the last one, if your computer can handle it (it's huge). Enjoy!

Friday Fill-Ins

2008-08-16T13:03:00.000-07:00

#85

1. The last meal I had at a restaurant was Red Curry Chicken from Spring Rolls.

2. Apathy is something I intensely dislike.

3. The full moon is round?.

4. Douchebag is one of my favorite local expressions.

5. Sometimes it's best to rest.

6. The Orphanage is the best movie I've seen so far this year!

A weekend to myself

2008-08-16T11:15:00.000-07:00

My husband took our son up to Wiarton to visit his parents for the whole weekend, in order to give me some much needed R&R.

It took a bit of time to get used to the idea that my baby would be 3 hours away from me for 3 whole days - I even cried as they pulled away from the house - but now that I'm well into my 2nd day I think I've hit my stride, and I'm really enjoying myself. Yesterday, I did some light housework, prepared some purees for my son that I'd been behind on, goofed off online for while, and spent the evening at a girlfriend's place, where we ordered in Thai food, and indulged in a mini Queer As Folk marathon.

Today I slept in a bit, did a 90 minute workout (which I haven't been able to achieve since my son arrived in January!), walked up to the village to pick up some fresh veggies and a movie for later, and now I'm, obviously, writing a post that's long overdue. This is not a weekend of thrills and adventure, but it is the weekend I've been needing so much. My God, I've missed having such abundant time for myself! No matter how prepared I was to make big changes to my own life for my son's, it has been one heck of a shock to completely alter my pre-baby existence for this new one where everything revolves around someone else.

Sometimes I get frustrated with a few people in my life who insinuate that I need more "me time" than other moms they know. They never come right out and say that I'm over-indulgent or anything, but I hear the judgement anyway when I mention that I'm looking for ways to enhance my personal happiness. I think it baffles them that I need activities and accomplishments in my life that are separate from the joys that motherhood has given me. Whether it's by writing here, or going out of town to visit a girlfriend, or staying a night at a hotel in town just to get away for a bit, I try to find simple ways to reinforce my own identity. In the future I'd like to take a course in political science, or women's studies. I want to write more, I want to be more charitable... the list goes on. However, my desire for "more" does not diminish the fulfillment I get from staying home and raising my son - I love that he is my little partner and that my days are spent caring for him. I just hope that he always thinks of me as being someone who lives a rich, well-rounded life, and as someone who wants the same for him. He is already such an inquisitive little guy and I want to support his curiosity and independence all his life. Hopefully, I can do that partly by leading by example. In the meantime, I'll try to work on not caring so much about whether or not my goals differ from those of other moms, but rather focussing on what works for me and my family. And what works right now is having an amazing relaxing weekend OFF!

Now that that's off my chest (hee)... the rest of the weekend should include a nap, some reading (I've vowed to finish the David Suzuki Autobiography), and watching Penelope. Tomorrow is a cleaning/organizing day, getting ready for my cousin who's coming to stay with us for a few days. I think I might also try a new aquafit class - hopefully with better results than last time!

Is it awful that I wish I had just one more day to tack on to the end of this weekend? At first I thought I would struggle through it, just missing my boys terribly, but it has turned into the world's fastest weekend and I'm already starting to dread that it will soon be over. *sigh* Mother's guilt is in full swing. lol :)

Down 3 lbs!

2008-07-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

This probably will not be the most thrilling of posts, but I'm so excited that I had to share! This is the first week I've lost weight in the last 6 or so, and I'm just soooo happy. I ordered Turbo Jam online and it came a few days ago. So far I've only done the first "learn and burn" dvd, but it seems pretty cool and I've had achy muscles that I haven't felt in a long time for 3 days now from just my first workout! I like that feeling though, it means I was working hard and that hopefully my body will respond to that hard work.

I went out with my girlfriend, Dayna, yesterday to see The Dark Knight (sidenote: we've been in love with Christian Bale for years and see every movie we can that he's in at the theatre together). Normally when we get together we eat Thai food - Pad Thai and spring rolls almost exclusively - and then get at least a drink at the theatre, but yesterday we went to Lettuce Eatery and had big delicious salads. It felt so good to fill up on such good stuff, but not get so full and heavy that I wanted to lie down and die afterwards! Then at the theatre, I had a small non-fat frozen yogurt and Coke Zero instead of popcorn and orange pop as I would normally have done in the past. You see I can be pretty resistant to temptation at home, or when I'm out alone, but as soon as you get me in a social situation I justify horrible eating any way I can: It's a special occasion! I don't want to be a bad guest and refuse the food that's offered! It's just this once - I was good all week! But it's Christian BALE - he'd want me to be happy!

But I was no less happy for having resisted my habitual chow-fest, and I feel so victorious now that the numbers on the scale seem to be responding to my efforts.

Please, do not let this week be a fluke!

Aquafit

2008-07-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

I'm in a miserable funk over my excess baby weight lately. I was steadily losing, then BAM I put back on 8lbs last month - you read that correctly. 8 pounds! I'm so depressed about it you can't imagine. The worst part is that I've been trying. I've been eating well, and staying active with daily walks, workout videos and - as of this past Friday - aquafit class.

I take Owen swimming on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the community centre, and while we're in the shallow end an aquafit class gets led in the deep end (participants wear specific aquafit floaty belts - very chic). The instructor is young and from the occasional glance over appears to know what she's doing. So, since I'm always searching for low-no impact exercise options (bad bad knees) I thought I'd pass the baby off to Luke on Friday and hit the drop-in class. Well, it turns out that the class I'd been eyeing is a registered class only and the girl who teaches it does not teach the drop-in classes. The gentleman who leads the class I attended was an elderly man named Robby. Robby wore spandex shorts and a bright blue sweat band on his forehead. Robby is senile and kept yelling incoherently at the teenaged lifeguards who were slacking off in the office behind him. Robby repeatedly got lost in the classic melodies of The Great American Songbook and kind of zoned in and out, guiding us through the most ridiculous, totally improvised routine I've ever experienced. The youngest participant by easily 40 years, I laughed silently to myself as little old ladies all around me sang along with Frank Sinatra while we did grapevines for the width of the pool.

Near the end of the class, kids being let out of swimming lessons came filing through, some staring at us and some mimicking us. I laughed, knowing full-well just how hilarious we must have looked to them. I also laughed because I was closer to their age than the age of the people I was in the pool with and in a million years I would never predicted this day was in my future when I was 12 like them. Oddly enough, though, I wasn't embarrassed. Must be the whole "mom" thing - I actually found myself identifying more with the seniors in the pool who thought the kids were cute. It just goes to show that as we all get older, the differences that separate us become fewer and less important than the things that we share. I wouldn't have expected that reaction from myself had I not experienced it that day.

Despite my revelation, aquafit will not be my body's salvation. *shrug* I'm alright with it - maybe Turbo Jam will be (that should arrive by mail next week - yes, I ordered a workout system from an infomercial)! I'll keep you posted... This weight is coming off though, come hell or high water.

In support of midwifery

2008-07-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

As most people reading this blog know I had a natural, vaginal birth for my son, Owen. I laboured at home with a midwife until the very end, at which point we got our butts to the hospital as quickly as possible (I progressed more quickly than expected for a first baby). That was our birth plan from the very beginning. Luke and I decided, with the input of my mom taken heavily under advisement, that for our first child we would not attempt a home birth in it's entirety, but would transfer to the hospital for delivery "just in case", so we'd have access to any emergency treatments and facilities that one could possibly need if, God forbid, a scary situation were to arise. Fortunately, everything went perfectly. My total labour was 13 hours, and I did it without the intervention of drugs of any kind (for the sake of honesty, though, I must admit that in a moment of weakness when I thought Owen was going to come out of my back I did insist that I needed an epidural). Luckily, Owen came out so quickly that I could not be obliged.

Owen was born in perfect health at 5:57am, and placed directly on my naked chest, where he remained while I "finished up" (I'll spare you the details, but in short this is about a twenty minute process of delivering the placenta, and being thoroughly examined and cleaned by my midwife). He was not rushed off for a cleaning or immediate assessment. He was not wrapped and diapered, and the delivered to me like a little present - until much later on, that is. I was given the proper time to bond with my newborn son in the most natural way possible. It was the most miraculous night of my life. I felt like a superhero - so strong, so capable. I also felt like I had joined this secret society of women who birth naturally. I had my midwife, my mother and my husband as the only people there with me. It felt so private and personal.

From the moment she arrived, my midwife never left me to check other labouring women, let alone stroll in just in time to "catch" the baby and stroll back out again after giving her stamp of approval. She came to my home in the middle of the night, and calmly guided me through my labour. I was able to be naked, writhing around, sometimes thrashing around. Sometimes I yelled and shrieked, but mostly I groaned deeply with each contraction. I moved from my bedroom to the living room, to my bathtub, to the toilet, and was encouraged to do whatever helped me through it. There was never a sense that we needed to hurry it along, or introduce medication because of anyone's time schedule but Owen's. She would simply follow me around, check his heart rate with a stethoscope periodically, and reassure me that everything was happening as it should.

By 9:30 that same morning I was lying in my own bed, with my son and my husband. People always assume that when I say 9:30 I mean PM or the next day, and marvel when I correct them. "You were home 3 1/2 hours after he was born?" No one realizes that when you give birth without drugs that you can go home! You don't need to wait until the effects wear off, or remain under constant assessment because of insurance purposes. And because I wasn't drugged Owen obviously wasn't either, so they didn't need to keep him to monitor him for the lethargy to subside or watch for signs of stress. My midwife came to my home later in the day to check on us - a luxury that hospital births can not provide as one OBGYN tends to multiple babies, moms and other non-birth related patients, therefore and understandably so, everyone needs to stay put. Midwives are in the business of birth alone. They specialize and are highly trained in one area, so their focus and experience is astounding. My midwife had only been certified for a year or so at the time of my labour, yet she had delivered approximately 130 babies!! Each and every one of those with the care and attention that Owen and I received. Not 3 or 10 in one day like an OBGYN could do. Doesn't that put things into perspective? And pregnancy/delivery care is 100% covered by OHIP. My prenatal care cost nothing and it is my strong opinion that it was far superior to any care a medical doctor could provide.

My inspiration to write this post came from watching a new documentary, executive produced by and featuring Ricki Lake (Go Ricki!), called The Business of Being Born. Luke and I just finished watching it, and it just reaffirmed why we chose this route for our son's birth, and I am now 100% convinced that we will plan for a complete home birth for our next child. Women have been birthing their children with great success for thousands of years, and it is only in the last century that they began to be told that what their bodies could do instinctively was obsolete and they needed medical intervention. Pregnancy is not a condition, and birth should not be a procedure. It is the most natural and wonderful experience we women are able to have and I worry that we are misinformed by the medical community, and eachother about it. I wish all women could feel how amazing and truly unbelievable it is to birth your child - to go through it without finding it "unnecessary" to feel pain. It's worth it, so very worth it to feel it all. The bond, and the power of your own strength makes birth the most moving and intense event a woman could ever experience. Why would you want to dull that?

Carrots on the floor, on the ceiling, on the door!

2008-07-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

I had my first "Oh my God, food everywhere" new-mom moment yesterday.

Owen had pureed carrots for the first time, and it was such a success - he loved them and remained pretty darned clean considering the high colour staining potential in bright orange foods! So I thought I'd get my camera out to record him being cute, grabbing for our flowers, and anything else he could see, but while I was recording he reached for the blender that had the unused carrots that I was going to freeze for the rest of the week (hence, there was a lot leftover). I saw him once and interfered, saw him twice and held the blender still, but as he was reaching for something else his other hand knocked the blender off the table and onto the floor. The attached videos say the rest...

Where the hell is Matt?

2008-07-06T15:56:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend, Cam, sent this my way last week. It's one of those rare treats amidst alotta crap online, so I wanted to continue the chain of sharing...

This is definitely worth the slow loading (for some of you), so bear with it and let the whole thing load in a separate window while you do something else, then watch it all as one complete video. Don't waste your patience watching it while it loads, it's too jumpy and will take away from the awe of it all.

Enjoy!

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/01/where-the-hell-is-ma.html

My current obsessions

2008-06-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Rockabye Baby - Lullaby renditions of...

I came across this amazing series while searching Itunes for something with a "tinkly music box sound" for Owen to fall asleep to (that I wouldn't have to wind up again every 25 seconds). Rockabye Baby has compiled some of the greatest rock music around and made "tinkly music box sound"ing renditions and I can't get enough. I immediately bought songs by U2, Coldplay, Radiohead, No Doubt, Nirvana, Green Day, The Rolling Stones, Smashing Pumpkins, and Metallica! Metallica! Since so much baby music makes you want to pull your own hair out, this is the perfect solution. My baby falls asleep to sweet lullabies and I get to enjoy some relaxing, and darned-good versions of some of the greatest rock songs. It makes bed time so much better for all involved.

www.rockabyebabymusic.com

David Suzuki: The Autobiography

I bought this book after seeing it on a Facebook friend's booklist. As a Canadian, I think I share with most people a soft spot for David Suzuki, plus I had a giftcard to Chapters, so I set out to find a copy to see if I could learn more about the man behind The Nature of Things.

I knew Suzuki was an environmentalist and a nature show host, but what probably most vividly stuck out for me for the years was - fairly or not- that he is cute in a way that has always reminded me of my dad. I wanted to know more, and I'm getting that ++ by reading this book. I've learned that he spent his teenage years in my hometown of London, ON (how didn't I know that?), that -as a Japanese-Canadian- he suffered through forced racial segregation into the bush of British Columbia during WW2, and that until his wife, Tara Cullis, pursued the undoing of a seemingly archaic law in 1972, women were not legally allowed to keep their maiden names!

He has had such a life, it really is incredible and I'm only a third of the way in! I cherish every free moment I have reading this wonderful book and I recommend it, obviously, very highly.

You can read more about David Suzuki at

www.davidsuzuki.ca

Dear Frankie

This is such a great little movie, staring Gerard Butler (before was so Hollywood and beefed-up, therefore waaaay more appealing) and Emily Mortimer.

In short, a single mom doesn't want her son to know his dad is a dead-beat so she makes up this elaborate story about him being aboard some ship that travels all over the world. Pretending to be his father, she writes her boy letters so that he never has to know the truth. Then, one day she is forced to supply a face-to-face meeting between her son and his "father", so she hires a stranger to play him for one day.

The character of Frankie is so sweet and the relationship between all the characters just makes you smile. Plus, the ending is satisfying without being obvious.

RIP makeup site

2008-06-26T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today I took down my professional website - or rather had it redirected here. Considering I haven't done a paying makeup job in about a year, I figure it's time to let it go. Plus, it probably looks bad to have such an out-of-date CV and portfolio - makes me look lazy or something...

Anyway, I somewhat reluctantly accept that my days as a makeup artist with high hopes and a few cool credits to her name are over. I stopped pursuing makeup work, oh 2 years ago, in favour of a stable 9-5 working for an investment banking company, and ultimately, motherhood. I will always remember that period of my life as an exciting one, though. I met amazing, creative people (plus a few lesser-known Canadian celebrities to impress my family with :)), did some work I'm super-proud of, and got to experience the festival circuit on a few occasions. A career in makeup, like any creative field, should not be attempted by anyone without an incredible drive and willingness to slum it "until". A career certainly can be had, but my goodness, it is hard work and ultimately I just don't have it in me - I probably never really did. Plus, true to my genetic code (thanks Dad) I get bored way too easily, and I just can't do something because it's what expected of me. Trust me, I've tried. I turn into a shrew.

So, I wanted to post a few of my favourite images from my makeup days. A glimpse into what was a special time for me...

Next task will be to have a makeup kit clearance party with the girls!! Now that's a way to honour the end properly - just in time to head out to Gay Pride festivities tomorrow. Glitter anyone?

Enjoy!

Michael Richards is still an a@* hole

2008-06-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

I was sent an email forward last week from someone close to me. Apparently Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld) is pissed off at the response he has received since his racist tirade at a comedy club last year. I've attached the email, where Richards basically says that if minorities get to have Black History Month, or Gay Pride celebrations, then why can't we be proud (and vocally so) about being white - why don't we get White Pride Day? I thought I would post my reply to the email I sent to my loved-one (who, by the way, was not agreeing with Richards, just thought I'd find the whole thing interesting. She was right.), as it pretty succinctly relays my point-of-view. It's the purple text following the Richards stuff...

> Proud To Be White

> Someone finally said it.

> How many are actually paying attention to this?

> There are African Americans, Mexican Americans,

> Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc.

> And then there are just Americans.

> You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.

> You Call me 'White boy,' 'Cracker,' 'Honkey,'

> 'Whitey,' 'Caveman' ... And that's OK.

> But when I call you, N!gger, Kike, Towel head,

> Sand-n!gger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink .

> You call me a racist.

> You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you,

> So why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

> You have the United Negro College Fund.

> You have Martin Luther King Day.

> You have Black History Month.

> You have Cesar Chavez Day.

> You have Yom Hashoah.

> You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.

> You have the NAACP.

> You have BET.

> If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists.

> If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists.

> If we had White History Month , we'd be racists.

> If we had any organization for only whites to 'advance'

> OUR lives we'd be racists.

> We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber

> Of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce.

> Wonder who pays for that?

> A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American

> Pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.

> If we had a college fund that only gave white students

> Scholarships you know we'd be racists.

> There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges

> In the US . Yet if there were 'White colleges' THAT

> Would be a racist college.

> In the Million Man March, you believed that you were

> Marching for your race and rights. If we marched for

> Our race and rights, you would call us racists.

> You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and

> You're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce

> Our white pride, you call us racists.

> You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a

> White police officer shoots a black gang member or beats

> Up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a

> Threat to society, you call him a racist.

> I am proud.

> But you call me a racist.

> Why is it that only whites can be racists?

> There is nothing improper about this e-mail.

> Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on.

The issue with Michael Richards' comments is that when you are a visible minority (which - still in these liberated present days - includes anyone who is not white), every day is white pride day unless you specifically carve one out for yourself. In our education system, political system, beauty pageant system (hee) whites still by FAR out number any other race. We have more opportunities because of our skin colour. Remember how I said that I was lucky to be a white, accent-free woman when applying for temp positions? I got placements that others would've struggled to get.

Yes there is MLK Jr. day, and black history month, etc. but truly so much of our life (flip on the television and count the ratio of white to "minority" actors) is still overwhelmingly aimed at Caucasian people. Minorities have to stand up and take an outspoken pride in their race/culture so as not to get left behind. They still fight every day for the equality we whites think exist. We do not live in an equal society - as much as our arrogance wants to believe we do. They need individualized and specific support, because whites have a blanket of opportunities over all of them.

However, I do not believe that this should give anyone the right to use racial slurs - ever. No person has the right to call me a honkey or a cracker etc. Although, in some warped way I do understand why some people are angry enough to do it anyway.

See you soon,

Kate xox

Waitress loses job after shaving her head for charity

2008-06-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

I came across this article on Perez Hilton, of all places. This woman, living (and until recently working) in Owen Sound, ON. shaved her head to support a cancer charity (Cops for Cancer) and when she showed up to work the next day she was fired!!!

My husband's parents, who live in Wiarton, ON (about 40 minutes outside of Owen Sound) were just at this restaurant, Nathaniel's, to celebrate their wedding anniversary and they've raved about it on more than one occasion. They're both very disappointed, and surprised at this news, not only because the woman was unjustly "laid-off" (ahem, bullshit, she was fired), but because apparently this head-shaving ritual is really popular all over the area up there. My in-laws listed off a number of people they've come across who participate, some shave their heads every year, and it seems that the whole thing is quite supported by the public. So, it's not like the owner of Nathaniel's could claim that people would think he had hired a skin-head or something. Customers see this all the time and embrace it.

This is sexist and ridiculous (I've attached the article which details this point well, so I won't bore you by rehashing it here...), and I just had to comment.

Follow the link and read all the details.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/cbc/080605/canada/canada_shaved_head

Words

2008-06-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

These aren't new, but I wanted to keep better track of them, so up they go...

Audrey

Sweet little girl.

She squeezed my finger,

And melted my heart.

Jeff’s lips, Dashka’s cheeks,

Long limbs and expressive eyes.

This perfect baby,

A dream fulfilled.

In Times of Struggle

We may ask politely for answers,

but we must also learn

to find comfort where we can,

without them.

Warm Winter Days

Before you I dreaded

The coming of winter days.

But now I wait for them eagerly,

Knowing that once the chill sets in,

And the snow starts to fall

You will be here keeping me warm.

Stars and Strollers

2008-06-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day for Owen and me. After mulling it over for several weeks now, I decided that today was the day I would try and take Owen to the movies for the first time. My baby, while being the absolute love of my life, has not been the most adaptable kid in the world, so I was nervous about taking him before he was ready, even though I've heard of other moms taking part in Stars and Strollers regularly with no trouble by this age (5 months). But, I know my boy, and I needed to wait until I felt confident (confident and less petrified are synonyms, right?) that we stood a chance at getting through 2 hours being in the same place, without crying - much. The potential was certainly there for it to be truly awful for both of us, not to mention the other poor movie-goers, so I took my time psyching myself up for this day.

I timed it all out last night. His feedings and naps had to be scheduled in just so in order for this to work. I needed to get him to the theatre a little on the hungry side, so I could give him a bottle during the movie, thus occupying approx. 20-25 minutes where I was guaranteed a happy fella. He also had to be a little on the sleepy side, so that I could get him to nap after his bottle. However, he couldn't be too sleepy, otherwise the grumps come out, it makes it really hard for him to calmly drift off, not to mention just making him cranky in general. Anyway, so we started off well. He watched the previews happily and took his bottle like a champ. He continued watching the movie for a bit, and started to show signs of tiredness. The drifting off to sleep part, however, didn't quite go the way I hoped. He wanted to sleep; the poor guy was rubbing his eyes and would look at me as if to say, "Mama, why is it so loud? I can't sleep like this." I felt for him. It didn't last long before he gave up trying, and he proceeded to throw a bit of a tantrum. Not wanting to make a scene (despite the whole nature of the Stars and Strollers supposedly being inclusive of babies' ways), we stepped outside to work it out. After some coaxing he relaxed and fell asleep in my arms, so we ventured back inside, this time going way up to the back corner of the theatre where it was considerably quieter.

This is when I made note of my one mistake: I picked an action movie, instead of a dialogue-heavy drama. During the quieter scenes Owen was able to sleep well, but then the guns and tanks come out, the music swells, the soldiers and sidekicks start screaming... and well, you get the idea. Not good. In my defense, though, there were only 2 options for the baby show, Sex and the City, and Indiana Jones 4 (you can guess where I was). The thing is that I'm going to see SATC with my girlfriends on Friday, and I didn't want to ruin the excitement of that, so it was Indy or nothing. I suppose I had been hoping that when the website info claimed "reduced volume" at these screenings that they really meant it. They didn't. Not enough for babies to stand much of a chance to sleep through anyway. *shrug* Anyway, I'll know for next time. In the end, Owen woke up with 15 minutes to go in the movie, so I turned him to face the screen and he made it to the end without another peep. Then I packed him up and when we got home he immediately passed out.

All-in-all a good experience, I'd say. We will definitely do this again - maybe even next week! And the best part is I now have this romantic vision of Owen looking back on his childhood with fond memories of movie dates with his Mama, starting all the way back when he was only 5 months old. As I head off to bed, that's better than warm milk, I tell ya.

Good night. :)

The Orphanage (movie)

2008-06-01T18:29:00.001-07:00

You all have to run to your nearest video store and rent The Orphanage. If you liked Pan's Labyrinth (another movie I raved on and on about last year), this is produced by Guillermo del Toro, the director of Pan's Labyrinth and the two are similar in feel, effect and stunning visuals.

By the far one of the best, scariest, most moving films I've ever seen, Luke and I spent the first half of it trying to decide whether or not we could handle continuing to watch it; it's that intense and suspenseful. But, unlike typical slasher flicks made these days, the scares conjured up by this team (director is Juan Antonio Bayona) are in what you're afraid is coming, rather than what actually does. It's like they played on our assumption that a gruesome death or flash to a scary screaming face is imminent after every long silence - but the trick that makes The Orphanage stand out is that scares don't come cheap. At one point my heart literally pounded for almost 40 minutes straight, but I think I only actually jumped once or twice. The fear just builds and builds and BUILDS until you think you're certainly going to explode.

The story revolves around a woman who decides to move back into the orphanage she lived in for a time as a child, whose own child ends up with "imaginary" friends. The awful things that take place, and the intertwining pasts of characters that unfold create an amazing world where you are heart-broken in one moment, and terrified in the next. This a touching, devastating, beautiful movie and I can not recommend it enough. At the end of it, Luke and I just sat there, blown away at how effectively this movie shook and entertained us, without pandering to obvious horror movie expectations.

You will love this movie, but be warned: Do NOT watch it alone.

Woman lived entire life in an iron lung

2008-06-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

I just read this article on one of my favourite sites, Momlogic.com, and had to repost it here. It's so heart-breaking and mind-boggling! Check it out here: http://news.aol.com/story/_a/woman-who-spent-life-in-iron-lung-dies/20080528140809990001

Green Toronto

2008-05-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

I just got back from the Green Toronto Festival happening at Yonge/Dundas square. It's quite a big event; they've closed off Yonge street for a couple of blocks and dozens of eco-friendly artisans, groups and businesses have set up booths. The vibe is really positive and people are all really excited to take part, whether by attending and learning or by informing and/or selling their products.

I picked up a few things, but one company in particular got me excited. Greenbean Studio (greenbeanstudio.ca) is a "sprouting business" that uses plastics bags and wrap as stuffing for pillows and pet beds. People unknowingly recycle their plastic grocery bags or bubble wrap, thinking that it's like any other plastic, but moldable plastics like these just end up in our land-fills and Greenbean Studios wants "to contain them so they do not become Urban Tumbleweed and leach into our water, air and food chain." Some of the pillows can be rather crunchy - if they're filled with bubble wrap for instance - but Christine Fulton, the owner and creator, uses these stuffings for more decorative pillows, and uses smoother fills for pillows that you'd use day-to-day. I bought the latter type, a small cushion for lower-back support and I love it. It doesn't lose its shape, and it's also cleaner than foam-stuffed pillows/mattresses because it doesn't attract dust mites.

Greenbean Studio relies on the community to grow their business by donating plastics. They will come to your house, pick up your bags and plastic wrap, and create these wonderful products. Please visit their site to learn more - I think they're really onto something here. This is an easy and effective way to pitch in to help the environment and you can get something fabulous (beyond the mere satisfaction of doing a good deed) in the process.

Have a green day!

Sad heart - not a fluffy post...

2008-05-16T07:00:00.001-07:00

I've been totally overwhelmed by amount of news lately reporting on the deaths and suffering of children. The cyclone in Myanmar (Burma), the earthquake in China, the morons accidentally shooting their children while turkey hunting in the States (yes, plural!). I sit here, tearing, wondering how parents go on without their babies. Knowing they were frightened, that they suffered, that they died... it's too much. The other day, while watching my baby sleep, I committed to memory every scratch, every dry patch (he has eczema), his wacky hairline that's still re-growing and trying to figure out what it's going to be, the smell of his breath, the way his cheek got smushed and made his lips fold into a little bow. To think that I might ever have to live without him breaks my heart and stops my breath. And parents all over the world deal with that horror every day.

I hate it, very much, when people say "we're so blessed to live in this part of the world...". While it's true that in Southern Ontario we live in a pretty safe little corner of the world, with few natural disasters to worry about, and a relatively equal and free society - to say that we're blessed, to me, implies that people living in other areas of the world are not. It gives me shivers to think that there are people out there who believe that we have been singled out to live a blessed life while others have been selected to suffer indignities and pain. Who could be so arrogant and simplistic as to think that God (in whatever form) consciously pointed his finger to a map and said "These people will know pain and despair beyond comprehension, and these people will attend Tupperware parties and want for nothing"? Excuse my exaggeration, because of course we experience death and sickness, pain and heartache. However, while each experience is devastating to people it affects, our suffering is not wide-spread or in any way part of typical day for most of us. We do not experience genocide, or tsunamis, or slavery, or war, or political unrest. We do not legitimately worry that our children will be kidnapped and hurt, that our homes will be destroyed, that we may not eat on a given day.

On a given day in my life, I worry about things such as getting my pre-pregnancy body back, about "finally" buying that bed frame I've wanted for a year or so, about having to share laundry facilities with annoying neighbours (as well as other, less trivial things, but I'm illustrating a point here). It's audacious, yet totally typical I think, as I have never experienced anything that truly flattened me, nor do I live in fear. We don't know suffering on a massive scale and I write today from a humble and slightly embarrassed place. I've always been empathetic, and emphatic about certain values and beliefs that I hold dear. I don't believe myself to be ignorant, nor apathetic, but upon reflection this week I know that I can do more. After-all, it is the responsibility of those who can do, to do, and it goes a lot further that complaining or crying about the issues that provoke us.

Post-script:

Whenever I tell my father that I'm embarrassed to be sad (because of all my life's blessings, it often seems silly and self-indulgent to complain), he says "Every drop counts. We all suffer and it all counts. Every drop of rain contributes to the ocean, and while others may contribute flood waters, don't dismiss the value of your drops into the pool. The ocean needs them all." That's a major para-phrase, but I think I've relayed the idea. Just something I thought about as I reread my post... I truly am not trying to devalue the people living in well-developed "safe" regions, just trying to wrap my own head around the unbalanced and often so unnecessary anguish all over the world. Hoping to figure out my part in it all...

So much to look forward to!

2008-05-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

It's getting to be that time... but before I hit the hay, I just wanted to quickly jot down a few of the things that are coming up that I'm really excited about.

I bought a new bed last week (an antique sleigh-style) and it's getting delivered tomorrow afternoon. I've only ever had a crappy metal frame, so I'm super-excited about this. Plus, I'm pretty sure having a headboard officially makes me a grown-up now. :)

On Wednesday I'm taking my baby with me to London, my hometown, for a few days. I have a few cousins who also stay home with their kids and I haven't seen them in a while, so I can't wait to visit with them and see how much their little ones have grown. My one cousin, Rachel, has a little boy and it would be so great if they became buddies, so I'm looking forward to watching them together. I don't know how interactive Owen's ready to be yet, but he certainly likes to look at his cousin Audrey. Two months ago, it didn't really register with him that she existed, but at her baptism two weeks ago, he stared at her with a new focus. It implied he understood that she was like him in a way that he hadn't seen in anyone else before. It was pretty special to see him recognize that similarity and be totally fascinated by her.

When I get back to Toronto on Saturday, Roncesvalles village is having a Spring Fever event. I hope to get back in time to make it down there. It's a glorified sidewalk sale, really, but they'll have music and face-painting for kids, bbq street vendors, and just plenty of things for Owen to see, so I think it will be a fun little family outing for us! I was given a free Toronto family event magazine at Mommy group last week, and it has all these listings of things to do all month. I hurried home and immediately started highlighting the best ones and put them in my calendar, and I'm just so excited to have all of these fabulous day trips to look forward to. There's the Green Toronto event at Yonge/Dundas square, the "Mom-preneur" sale at the Distillery District, a craft show/bake sale at the Eglinton Community Centre, the "Harbourkids" festival at Harbourfront, and the list goes on and on. I've actually managed to fill my weekends for the next 6 weeks! This is unheard of for me, to plan so far ahead, and I'm just so excited about having all these (baby-friendly!) things to do. I can't believe I'm only hearing about this magazine now.

And... I just found out that my husband is taking me to see Dirty Dancing: The Musical to celebrate Mother's Day. He couldn't get reasonable seats for the actual day, but it's close enough (end of the month) so I guess I'll let it slide! He has even arranged for a co-worker to babysit Owen, so we'll have the whole evening out to be a couple again - go out for dinner, walk hand-in-hand, and just get to focus on eachother for a few hours.

I'll have the time of my life...

hee, that's right, I said it!! And I owe it all to Luke!!!

Alright, so I think that'll do! Off to bed with me now... tomorrow's another day, with new ways of embarrassing myself waiting to be unearthed. ;)

My funny Hubby

2008-04-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

My husband has this hilarious and DRY sense of humour. He kills me. Generally, he is a pretty quiet guy - also sensitive and beyond generous, but I digress - so when he throws a witty line down, half of the effect is from the joke itself, and half is from the unexpected delivery.

An awesome example came tonight while watching American Idol. David Archuletta (sp?) sang America, by Neil Diamond, and was doing an alright job - nothing spectacular or memorable, but fine. Out of nowhere Luke says, "he needs to just go and join a boy band. A boy band of one boy." I almost fell off the couch! I'm still laughing now... every time I rerun it in my head I crack up. And he says stuff like this every now and then, totally dissing people in this deadpan style, and it's one of my favourite things about him. So many people are funny in an obvious joke joke, slap-stick kind of way, but Luke's zingers are just so spontaneous and priceless - I've never met anyone who does it better. What's even more special is that almost no one gets to see/hear this side of him, because he's so introverted most of the time, so when one of these moments comes along it just knocks me on my butt and makes me love him so much more.

Can I give another example I just remembered? The other day I blogged about walking with Luke and Owen, and we were enjoying the spring weather... anyway, on that same walk (through million-dollar and up homes I should add) Luke and I were commenting on how odd it is that all the rich hoity-toities put these elaborate flower urns on either side of their front doors. It's like they're competing to see who has the best, biggest, and most expensive urns. So we're walking and pointing out nice ones as we past them, when we saw someone who used shrubs - kind of like mini Christmas trees - instead of ornate floral arrangements like everyone else. I made a joke about how they're obviously not keeping up with the neighbourhood standard, and Luke, without missing a beat, says (as though to the homeowner) "What are you, poor?!"

So there you go! I just friggin' love my funny hubby, and I don't ever want to forget these moments. :)

Katherine Heigl

2008-04-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching 27 Dresses, and I've decided that I officially don't like Katherine Heigl anymore. I love(d) her in Grey's Anatomy, but I'd be hard-pressed to name another celebrity who plays the Hollywood game as hard as she does, and that rubs me the wrong way. Plus, why does she have to play the same character in everything? Oh, right, she's learned that it sells.

Oh, and I can't stand her snaggle-tooth. It stared at me through the whole movie.

*sigh* Enough bi*ching... I just couldn't think of anything else to write today. I'm hoping The Golden Compass will be better! And be warned, if anyone tries to dissuade me from watching or enjoying it because it's Anti-Christian, I will have a conniption.

Losing the baby weight

2008-04-28T11:20:00.001-07:00

I was so nervous to get on the scale this morning for my weekly weigh-in. Since giving birth almost 4 months ago now, I've been trying pretty hard to get the baby weight off (and then some, hopefully), and have made some great strides in the past little while. However, after a bit of an off week (starting with a decadent spread at my sister-in-law's family home last weekend, and ending with McDonalds last night during a laundromat marathon - with a snack-filled movie night in between), I was convinced that I would gain.

However, I bit the bullet and stepped on that scale, and to my astonishment and elation I still lost another 2 lbs! I guess all the walking I did with Owen helped to off-set the slip-ups. I also did a Tai-bo postnatal video on Friday which kicked my butt... *sigh* Anyway, I'm so relieved that I don't have to deal with the guilt that would have accompanied a gain. I am not a great self-motivator, and the slightest "failures" tend to through me right off track, so I'm just glad that whatever I've been doing is working, despite my off moments. Hopefully it continues to do so, because I'm 2 lbs away from the first goal I set and I'll reward myself with a facial when I reach it!

High Def

2008-04-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

Yay for tax returns! Luke and I took Owen out today for some shopping and we ordered a new bed (wicked antique-looking sleigh-style) and Luke purchased his highly anticipated Playstation 3. I was going to surprise him with it for Father's Day, but he just wouldn't take my hints to drop it, so I had to cave. He felt guilty for ruining my surprise so I got to milk that a little... heehee

So we watched our 1st High-Definition movie tonight! It's just a shame we wasted it on Resident Evil: Extinction... (the Blu-Ray selection at Blockbuster is lacking). Still we totally noticed the difference, and even laughed when we switched back over to regular tv afterwards and noticed how fuzzy things looked! My sister came to visit a few weeks ago and commented on how funny our tv looks, because it's widescreen but we don't have the high-def connection, so everything's stretched out. I told her that I didn't notice it (and shamefully that's the truth, I really thought it looked normal!), and she was so baffled that I couldn't see how short and wide everything was. I think her exact words were "see how that tire isn't round?!" Well, Shan, the tires are now round. Are you proud?

Off to bed now - the child slept straight through until 5:30 last night, so here's hoping for a repeat!!

Almost failed on day 2!

2008-04-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's 8:30 right now, and I just remembered that I promised myself that I would post something every day for two weeks. I can't believe I almost messed it up that fast!

Owen, my baby, had a bit of a fussy day so it was a struggle staying ahead of his freakouts. They were so random, so all the more frustrating... We finished off the day well, though, by taking a walk up to Blockbuster and then the long way home. It was still light out, with just the perfect high teens temperature. Luke carried Owen in the snuggli, and he (Owen) stayed awake for the whole walk, which is rare. He was totally fixated on all the trees with their newly exploded leaves. It was special seeing him watch the world, seeing things as ordinary as leaves for the first time. They must be so interesting to a little guy like him. Luke mentioned that he was in my belly the last time the neighbourhood was green, and I thought that was such a crazy concept, but obviously true! I can't even imagine what seeing leaves, and petals, and grass for the first time would be like; it's beautiful enough each spring when everything bursts into life, but for the first time ever? Hard to comprehend.

This is one of the greatest things about being a parent. As cliche as it is, seeing the world through your baby's eyes is an amazing thing. Try looking at something as though you've never seen it before and take notice of all the tiny miracles that exist on a simple walk to the park. I've never really had a reason to be that mindful before; it sure is special to get out of my head and focus on the lovely things in this world. I want to do my very best to take everything in the way so many beautiful things in life deserve - just like a baby would. If we all slowed down and did this, imagine how much more peaceful, grateful and relaxed we could be. :)

Getting Started

2008-04-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

So, I've decided that since I can't take the writing class I'd really like to take (I'm a new mom), but I'm itching to have an outlet for my writing, this would be a good place to come. I figure I'll be able to organize my thoughts better, and keep track of the things I'm writing, rather than having scraps of paper with poem scribbles in random places around the apartment.

I'm not sure yet how this blog will unfold... I'll probably post random thoughts/daily activities mostly, in hopes that they might inspire something more eventually. In highschool I took a Writer's Craft class that emphasized the importance of just writing all the time - an "if you write it, it will come" sort of thinking. So I hope that in "just writing" I'll find myself coming up with things a little more meaningful: poetry, political musings... we'll have to see!

Sticking with things isn't a particular strength of mine (I tend to get lazy and distracted pretty easily), so I'd like to make a goal that for 2 weeks, I will post something - with words, picture galleries are for Facebook - everyday. I figure that's long enough to get used to this process of writing again, and also to get used to the daily commitment to something a little bigger than a trip outdoors with my son.

I warn you, my posts will undoubtedly be mommy/baby slanted. Hey, that's my life right now! But if I can manage to get some creative satisfaction from that, well then, I'll stick with it and try to get over any guilt about not being more interesting. :)

Wish me luck!

Katelyn